


Men from France can cancel a debt

by BiFromNextDoor



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Based on a friend's idea, Character Study, Eventual Smut, French references, M/M, More smut than I thought so if you're young or if it can trigger you be careful, My English may be bad, Pre-Canon, because i'm French, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:20:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28359198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiFromNextDoor/pseuds/BiFromNextDoor
Summary: "Mon amour, crois-tu qu'on s'aime ?"- Edith Piaf -Or how a French man broke Whizzer's heart in 1972.
Relationships: Whizzer Brown & Original Male Character(s), Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Idk why I'm writing this since Whizzer is my boy and that I wanna protect him at all costs but I'm French and I love making French references, so here you go)

Whizzer had not really realized what Teddy had meant when he had told him and Rose he could take them to a party "at some rich kid's apartment". He had not quite pictured the crowd implied. Not that he hated the crowd though, he was just surprised. How could there be so many people in a freaking apartment ?

The room they had come in was indeed filled with young people chatting in every corner or dancing where they could. Whizzer wondered if the owners of the apartment, probably the parents of the person who threw the party, were aware of this one. He was not sure of it but really did not care. He was there by chance and just prepared to have fun with his two friends.  
He did not know how Teddy had been invited to the party but he was glad he had after that terrible day of work. Whizzer worked as a clerk in a little advertising agency and his boss was a total ass. He didn't know how it was even possible to be as a jerk as he was. But the man paid him so Whizzer shut his mouth even if the desire to open it and to tell the man a few home truths was quite tempting.

  
Whizzer saw Teddy turn and smile at him. He smiled back as he heard the young man saying, rather screaming because of the loud music, "We're gonna grab a glass of something before going to dance".  
Whizzer nodded with excitement. He really wanted to dance tonight. He wanted to end this shitty day the best as he could and dancing had always helped him so far to cool down and to feel better. It was not like he forgot everything while dancing, he couldn't help but still overthink. It was more like dancing made him feel invincible. He would remain lucid and aware of himself but in a supreme way he had not been able to explain to Rose when they had talked about it a few months ago. The woman had said to him that on the contrary dancing made her conscious of the fact that she was totally not self-confident and mader her feel self-conscious about everything she did. If she was sober, though. Whizzer was sorry for her because all he felt when he danced was power. He felt like he could be what the fuck he wanted. And also, he had to admit it - like he could seduce everyone, he felt irresistible.

Whizzer almost always had known he was pretty as so many people had told him so. Without being pretentious about it, those kind of comments and compliments warmed his heart, like every human. He even remembered one day when a guy who was quite drunk had said to him that he had to be a "fucking alien for being that handsome". Whizzer had thought it was too much and that it was due to alcohol but had still liked it anyway.  
Therefore dance made him feel like he was receiving that sort of comments through people's admiring looks on him dancing.  
So he couldn't wait to dance because after his day he needed his dose of admiration and awe from total strangers and dance partners. That was what he craved for.  
  


Thus he followed Teddy and Rose inside a huge kitchen with a large table on which there was a load of pre-filled glasses. As the others he took one of them without asking about its content and poured it down his throat. He didn't recognize what warmed his mouth then body but appreciated it. A lot.  
Teddy took his hand and mouthed, or yelled, he couldn't tell with the volume of the music, "Now, let's dance". To what Whizzer answered, definitely screaming that time, "Damn, yes", then followed him, almost running towards what seemed to be the official yet improvised dancefloor.

  
Whizzer and his friends began to evolve on it, falling into a trance they knew well. They were used to go to clubs of all sort together, linked by that love of the dance, sometimes totally wasted, sometimes, except for Rose, almost sober. So they were feeling comfortable dancing with each others now.

After a few songs next to them, the alcohol had made Whizzer needy for more attention. He did not like the fact that he always needed more attention, as if the one he was already receiving was not enough. But he always did. He yearned for new looks and pure awe. He feared that he was being superficial but it was a too intense desire he couldn't quite fight.  
So he started to move away from his friends, reassured by a smile from Teddy to who he had spoken of his inside conflicts and who had calmed him down before. 

He started to dance on his own as he moved slowly to the other part of the room. On his way, he found what he was looking for. Looks. Attention. Admiration. That light in people's eyes. Those moves they stopped like they were surprised to see him. He loved it. And the cumulated drinks he had through the evening, between the ones at the bar and the latter he had taken in the kitchen, had made him even more receptive to it so he grinned, still moving his body on the rhythm.  
Closing his eyes, he enjoyed it even more, asking himself why the fuck couldn't he live constantly with music, like a movie soundtrack but in his life.   
  


When he opened his eyes, his smile fell down. He was facing an apparition. He didn't know if it was the lights, the alcohol or the fact that the man was the first person he saw after shuting his eyes for a while but the man standing now in front of him was definitely one of the most handsome he had ever seen.   
And he couldn't quite explain it. The man was tall, not as tall as Whizzer but almost. His what seemed to be blond hair was shaved, which was a shame for Whizzer who always liked to run one or both of his hands in one's hair and to pull it from time to time. But the man looked really fine, he even seemed more special that way. He was the one looking like a freaking fascinating alien.  
That was it. Whizzer was experiencing what he wanted to generate. Admiration. Awe.

It was the first time something of the sort happened to Whizzer and he didn't know what to do so he stopped dancing. He stared at the man who had his eyes closed like Whizzer moments before, probably enjoying the rhythm as he had.  
And like him once more, the man finally opened his eyes and looked right in Whizzer's. The latter felt stabbed. He was already handsome, where had he been allowed to have beautiful green eyes besides ?   
  


After a short moment of panic, Whizzer took a decision. He was about to make this man look at him and admiring him like the rest of the dancing crowd. He wanted to see that look he knew in those fucking green eyes. He wanted it so bad.

Dancing was one of the few things that eased Whizzer because he knew he was not being defied or defeated. So he wanted this man to give up as well.   
Perhaps the man in question didn't care a whit about Whizzer but it was like he read a secret dare in his eyes. And perhaps Whizzer did want him to care. So he started moving like he was used to, glancing from time to time at the other man who always locked eyes with him, without smiling but without animosity neither. He just seemed to be aware of Whizzer's presence but to remain quite indifferent about it.  
  


Whizzer would learn later that Nicolas was indeed challenging him. He would also learn that Nicolas had been invited there by a friend of his, who was actually the son of the family in whose house he was staying. Another rich kid. Who was friends with other rich kids. Living lives Whizzer didn't think they existed outside of the movies.

But here they were. Equal at least on the dancefloor and trying to secretely impress the other. Because Whizzer felt the man in front of him was responding to his dare, as he kept his eyes opened and seemed to committ himself more in the dance. Thus Whizzer continued to follow the rhythm and stepped closer to the man to taunt him. He lifted his arms and kept dancing this way. He smirked to give himself a composure and almost flinched when the other one did the same.  
  


Then the man suddendly stepped even closer and pulled him by the arm to another room a little bit less loud in which people were gathering in small groups, ones still dancing, others trying to communicate the best as they could. The man stopped next to the window and leaned toward Whizzer's ear to say, "Qu'est-ce que- Merde.", he stopped before adding, "What are you trying to prove ?" .  
The sudden proximity and the feeling that the man had seen right through him and his egocentric desires made Whizzer freeze immediately but he tried to hide it and leaned down to answer, "I don't know what you're talking about."  
And without letting the time to the man to rephrase, he added : "Are you French or something ?", as he thought he had recognized the man's first words and accent.  
"Yes, I am. I've been here for only a month so I still have that fucking _réflexe_ of speaking French, sorry," he said before smiling at Whizzer.   
"Don't worry, it's okay. I've always found French sexy anyway," he said with a smirk, while a part of him was freaking out. Why the fuck was he flirting with a total stranger, hot though, when he was not in a safe place - like a gay bar or a party organised by people he really knew and not by the acquaintance of a friend of a friend ? But the other part of him just wanted to hear the man's voice near his ear again.

That latter part was quickly pleased as the man immediately leaned and answered, "That's why I don't really like to talk because it shows to people that I'm not from here."  
Whizzer was then at the same time relieved and disappointed by the lack of response to his flirt. And he tried to make it clear when he said curtly : "Too bad, I love talking."  
He had not planned the man's reaction who suddenly burst out with laughter in front of him. Whizzer frowned before the man said quickly after catching his breath : "Sorry, it's just- I don't know why but I'm not even surprised."   
He laughed even more in front of Whizzer's pout. "I totally picture you're as a.. chatterbox - is it the good word ?"  
"Yes, it is. As it's probably my middle name." answered Whizzer, still pouting.  
"And what's your first ?" responded the man with a devilish grin.  
"Indeed, you don't need to speak much if you're that straightforward."

The shaved man laughed another time and Whizzer admitted that he could get used to it. His laugh sounded way too well at Whizzer's ears for what he could hear of it. Not like fucking music as they write in books. More like something infectious, something that you know is bad but that you want to have - or in that case hear - again.  
  
After he stopped laughing, far too soon according to Whizzer, the man started grinning, the size of his smile making Whizzer feel weak in the knees.  
"I actually like talking but," said the man before his voice became a hiss, "I also like to do more than that." He stood up and looked right in Whizzer's eyes before winking at him.  
Whizzer had thought the man a quite prudish straight man according to his first answers and did not expect the turn of that discussion. So he found himself blushing violently and feeling almost shy.  
"Cute. Follow me," said the man before walking away. Whizzer stood awkwardly before quickly doing what he had been told.

  
They went to a room Whizzer would have thought filled as the others but which was finally empty.  
Surprised, he looked at the blond man who smiled at him and said, "Henry have told me it was gonna be empty. Glad it's true," then he walked towards Whizzer who had lost all of his usual cheekiness with guys and was just gazing at him. The man smirked and put his right hand on Whizzer's cheek.  
Whizzer almost gasped at the contact, the man's hand oddly cold on his blushing and because of the alcohol warm skin.   
He pushed him slowly against the wall, locking eyes with Whizzer who let him do so. The latter felt his back hitting the wall before lips hit his.   
The lips were soft as he expected them to be. The man really couldn't stop being perfect. Whizzer already knew the taste of those lips was going to be the end of him.   
  
The other man pulled away unexpectedly, leaving Whizzer still leaning forward with his mouth opened and blushing because of the move. The man looked at him and grinned once more, "Chatterbox, um ? Seems pretty quiet to me".  
"Shut up," said Whizzer before kissing him again, regaining part of his confidence.  
They slowly opened their lips so their tongues could dance and they both melted into the kiss.

  
But then they heard the music suddenly getting louder. The man pulled away quickly, leaving Whizzer bereft once more, and stepped away far from him. Whizzer cringed before looking at the person who had opened the door. He saw a girl standing there, one hand still on the doorhandle, the other on her mouth to cover her sobs.   
The blond man made a step in her direction and, smiling at her, asked, "Hey, Pamela, are you okay ?".  
The girl nodded, but the tears falling down her face were proving the contrary. "Are you sure ?" the man asked again and the girl finally shooked her head as a no.  
"Okay, come with me," said the man who stepped closer again in order to grip her arm to pull her into the room.   
  
Whizzer just stared at them awkwardly without knowing what he should be doing or saying. He selfishly just wanted to feel lips on his again. That was all.   
So he just looked at the man who owned the lips he was thinking about, searching for answers to unexpressed questions. But the man ignored him and did not even notice his looks. He hugged the girl instead in order to comfort her.

Then after a while he looked up and met Whizzer's eyes. He mouthed to him, "You have to go". Whizzer looked at him shocked and asking himself if he had fully understood. Then the man did a discrete but clear motion of the head towards the door.   
Whizzer stared angrily at the man who brought him in that room just to kiss him and said out loud without any consideration for the girl, "Okay, right- I see- bye." before slamming he door shut behind him.  
  
  
As he went back to the louder rooms, he felt a mix of shame and anger. He was angry at that man who had kissed him and who had threw him away like he was nothing. He was pettily angry at the woman who had entered the room and ruined the moment. He was ashamed for falling so quickly for a man he didn't know. He was ashamed for being so weak in front of him and so bereft now that he was not there anymore. Ashamed for letting his friends down.

His friends. He had totally forgotten about them. He hoped they had not left without him even if he had left without them just before, because he didn't want to stay alone at a party that had treated him that badly.

So he finally got back in the great living room. He searched quickly for his friends in order to leave this place definitely. He finally managed to spot Teddy's blond hair jumping with him as he danced. He went in his direction spotting Rose next to him and arrived around them after a few struggles through the crowd.

Rose first saw him and yelled at him to make herself heard, "Where the hell were you ?". He smiled slightly at her and wiped her question out with his hand, meaning that it was not important.  
Then Teddy ran to his arms and hugged him. "Come and dance with us," he said, his voice grewing as a hiss because of the alcohol he must have taken again.  
Whizzer shook his head and answered, "Nah sorry. I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go home."  
Teddy looked at him a little bit worried and mouthed, "You okay ?". Whizzer smiled again trying to hide his awakening insecurities.  
But it was not as efficient as he thought since Teddy looked back at Rose and said to her, "Don't you want to go home ? I'm starting to get bored." Rose nodded and Whizzer smiled frankly that time - because, damn, he loved those people. 

  
They managed to make their way through the crowd which seemed to never decrease. They finally arrived at the front door and they left the appartment.  
"Teddy, I don't know how you always get invited to that kind of parties," said Rose after a while as they were walking in the streets.  
"That's my boy, always seducing rich closet-cases," laughingly said Whizzer.  
"Um, true. But I haven't seen the one who sent the invitation out there. I'm a little bit disappointed, he was really cute."  
"Difficult in this crowd, though," noted Rose.  
"Yeah - even if one seems to have found someone despite of the crowd," remarked Teddy, then chuckling, he looked at Whizzer.  
"Um, what the fuck are you talking about, Teddy ?" answered the latter.  
"Don't play innocent with me, Whizz. You still have a little bit of it... there" he said, pretending to swipe off something at the corner of Whizzer's mouth.  
"Seriously ?" he said, stepping back.  
"Relax, Whizz," answered Teddy, raising his hands.  
"You're lucky I love you, asshole," smirked Whizzer and Teddy smiled back at him.  
"Get a room," whined Rose.  
"And you, get a girlfriend." answered vividly Teddy, before the girl ran after him.  
  
Whizzer smiled at his friends' chase and shook his head as he wanted to get rid of his thoughts that were bringing him back to the party and to that room. That room in where nothing had happened.  
What a pity.


	2. Chapter 2

They got out of the bar, slightly tipsy because of the cocktails they had just had, and were carried a few steps away by the warm summer wind. Whizzer smiled while he felt the blast of air surrounding his body, without for once thinking about how it was ruining his hair. As he often did when he had drunk, he closed his eyes to enjoy the moment, hearing his friends giggling next to him. But behind Teddy, Rose and Lily's small laughter, he could also hear the multitude of sounds of the city.

He loved those sounds. They had always made the city more mysterious, more opened to dreams and adventures.

His need of adventures was heard as his friend Teddy, making him look at the short brown haired man, opened his mouth to say, “Oh, guys, I didn't tell youuu. I was invited by a guy to a party in some new rich kid's appartment. Should we goooo ?”.  
Whizzer smiled at how the tipsiness was making his friend stress some words and making him sound like a lovely child.

Child that he was actually. Teddy was quite young, not yet in his twenties while Whizzer was already 25, but they were getting along very well nevertheless. So well that sometimes people thought they were actually together.  
Whizzer had always despised those who believed that two gay men could not be friends, but he could at least agree that they were close. And that credible chemistry they had had been quite useful to get rid of insistent creeps in bars or in the streets a couple of times.

Everyone shouted at Teddy's proposition who did not understand everything they were saying and asked : “What ? Yes or no, then ?”.  
Rose stepped closer to him and putting his hands on his shoulders to make him move forward, said to him : “I think it's a yes - show us the way”.  
  


They walked for ten minutes, Whizzer slightly behind them.  
He couldn't help but think at the previous week and the last party he had gone to. The last man he had kissed. Or more like the last man who had thrown him away just after they had kissed.

He didn't really know how he was still feeling about it. Maybe like it had been a trap, but also like it had been a dream.  
Throughout the week, he had not been able to stop thinking about it, some lingering memories had kept torturing him. He hated it.  
Mostly because it was the first time it actually happened to him. He had already been the one torturing others' minds a couple of times – others who had tried to see him after at any cost. But he had never lost control like that. And he really hated it. As he hated the feeling of being helpless about it.  
  


They arrived in front of a fancy building. Teddy got a piece of paper out of his pocket, grinning at his friends and entered the code at the glass door. As expected, the door opened and he held it so the others could come in. They did and Teddy closed the door behind Whizzer. Then he walked next to him along the corridor. He nudged his shoulder to make him get out of his thoughts.  
Whizzer looked at him confused and Teddy asked softly : "Are you gonna be okay ? You seem a little bit off."

Whizzer cringed, realizing how obvious he had been. Particularly to Teddy, who had called him during the week. Whizzer had yielded at Teddy's sweet voice and had told him what had happened in the infamous room, his voice filled with what he wanted to name as anger. Teddy had genuinely sympathized with him, then they had chatted for two hours at the phone.  
After they had hang up, Whizzer had had to admit that the phone call and the confession had made him feel better about the whole situation. Mostly because Teddy had agreed with him on the fact that the man had acted like a dick. Then Whizzer had stopped thinking himself as the drama queen the shaved man had made him feel like with his rather annoyed looks and everything.

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry," he said, smiling at Teddy, even if he was not as sure of it as he was wishing to be.  
"I'm sorry, it's my fault. I shouldn't have proposed it. It's way too alike last week. You know, rich kid's appartment and all the crap," said Teddy, cringing.  
"Nah, really, it's okay, Ted. It was nothing anyway," answered Whizzer, trying to believe his own words.  
Perhaps it was nothing, but why was he not able to stop thinking about it, then ?

Teddy had to let him as the others called him in order to know to which apartment they were going. He checked on his piece of paper then led them to it.  
It was at the third floor, a black door.  
Rose asked, "Should we ring or anything ?" to which Teddy answered, "Nah, don't worry. We just have to enter and enjoy, the guy said to me."  
  


So they entered and came into a big appartment. Another one. Whizzer sighed as he passed the doorstep following the others. Teddy was right, it was way too alike the previous week.  
But Whizzer really had to stop thinking about it. It was not because this was a big appartment of a rich kid that the man in question was going to be there. He was not necessarily friend with every rich kid in town. Maybe he was not in town anymore. The man was French so he might be in freaking Europe at the moment.

Whizzer groaned but kept following the others through the crowd. He hated himself for not being able to just follow them without looking everywhere in the hope of distinguishing some shaved head or catching a piercing green look.

As they were already quite tipsy, even if his thoughts had almost sober Whizzer up, they immediately started to dance. And once again it felt too familiar.  
Whizzer tried to stop overthinking and just enjoy the follow-up of the night with his friends. He tried to focus on music, first on the rhythm, then on the basses. He tried to follow the dances initiated by Teddy or Lily.

But he was clearly not into it. So he tried to close his eyes. He tried to enjoy it more personally since it seemed like he could not have fun with the others. He tried to forget about the whole world.

But he found himself facing the same old thoughts.  
  
Whizzer didn't even know why he was still thinking about him. What was so special about him ? He was not the first man he had started a dance battle with. He was not the first man he had kissed. He was not even the first French man he had met.  
Maybe it was the fact that they had been interrupted that kept Whizzer frustrated and needy. If they had slept together or whatever, he would have forgotten him like he had done a number of times before.

He had had several relationships. Not really big, but still important ones. But now, as Teddy, he was more in a search for simple hook ups. Guys he met at a party or somewhere, guys he left on the following morning without a look back, on a common agreement. No big deal. Just attention, quick love and freedom. All that he could ask for.

So why was he thinking about that man's lips? Because yes, he was, he hated to admit.  
He had not kissed or met anybody since that party because of his work that took most of his time lately, even during summer. Thus maybe that was it. He just needed to kiss somebody else to forget the other man.

Eyes still closed, he cringed at himself at the word he was thinking of for a freaking shaved man he only had seen once. The guy really was intoxicating. They had met each other a week ago and he was already unable to forget him ? What the fuck was he ?  
  
Whizzer opened his eyes, taking a decision. Tonight, he was going to find someone to spend the night with. And he was going to get over those stupid thoughts.

He stepped closer to Teddy and said in his ear, "Sorry, once more, I have to leave you, guys."  
"No problem," Teddy answered.  
"I have a jerk to forget," Whizzer added.  
"You go girl," Teddy said, smirking.  
"Shut up," he cut him off, smiling though.

Rose glanced inquiringly at him.  
"I wanna fuck," he mouthed.  
"Good for you," she mouthed back.  
Then he shoved his head towards Lily and winked at Rose, grinning as she seemed to blush in the dark of the room and showed him her middle finger.  
  
He stepped away, trying not to think again at the similarities. Why was it all looking the same ? The same dim lights, the same dancing crowd and almost the same damn music.  
It looked the same, except– except nothing, he was going to find himself a man to kiss and to fuck with. A perfect evening planned.

Thus he opened his eyes wide in order to spot someone. He saw some cute guys, even a really pretty one, but it was risky to get himself a man this way in an unknown place.  
So he changed his technique.  
  


He decided to go to the kitchen and there, he stood against the door, holding a drink, pouting the way he knew he was irresistible, waiting for some man to try to hit on him.  
He had the time to sip his drink once before someone stopped in front of him. He raised his eyes and almost choked when he saw a girl looking at him with a he supposed seducing but actually just drunk look.  
"Hello sweetie, you're alone ?" she said with an as drunk voice as her look.  
"Um, no, sorry, I'm waiting for someone," he said quickly.  
"You sure ?" she insisted.  
The girl was starting to get on his nerves. He was sorry for her but it was not the good night, he just wanted to get laid, for Christ 's sake.  
"Yes, I'm waiting for my _boyfriend,_ " he snapped.  
The girl flinched, then smiled slightly at him as an apology and moved away.  
He sighed and drank again.

He waited for quite a moment, almost thinking of getting drunk instead of getting laid in order to forget, before somebody else arrived in front of him.  
"Hey," he heard a voice say and he smiled at its deep sound, assuming it was from a guy.  
He lifted his look from his glass he had filled again and started grinning. A quite handsome brunette man was standing in front of him and smiling at him – though, with the same drunk look that he had seen before in the girl's eyes.

"Hey," answered Whizzer, not losing his smile.  
"You're too pretty to be left alone tonight," the man said, with a wink.  
Whizzer cringed at the lousy pick up line but went for it.  
"You wanna dance ?" the man added with a subjective raise of eyebrows.  
"Sure," he said before moving towards the dancefloor.

And his smile got wider as he felt the man leading him from behind with a hand on his back. The contact felt warm and pleased Whizzer.  
That was it. He had found what he wanted. And the guy was not so bad.  
He could feel how it was going finally to be a good night and how the man was about to make it so. He was almost aroused at the thought of it. He already wanted to feel the man's large hands gripping his bare hips or tugging his hair.  
  
But that was not for the moment, even if soon enough. So he smiled to the man the most seducing way he could. And it seemed to work as the man leaned closer, lifting one hand probably in order to put it on Whizzer's cheek.  
  
  
But before it happened, Whizzer was suddenly pulled away by a firm grip on his arm.  
He only saw the man he was about to hook up with frown before he disappeared into the crowd as Whizzer was taking away. Whizzer turned to see the person who just ruined his moment and almost gasped as he saw that the head that was linked to the arm pulling him was shaved.  
 _It_ _can’t_ _fucking be_.

The man led him to a room after several corridors and Whizzer was too shocked to make him stop or to complain. He just tried to stop himself to feel glad about what was happening.  
But he knew he was. So he let himself be led and waited for the confrontation.  
  
They entered a room after the man had opened the door and as soon as it was shut, Whizzer was slammed against it, gasping but quickly silented by lips against his.  
He shut his eyes because he did not need to see. He knew whose lips it was.

He melted at the kiss for a time, pleased to taste them again but after a moment, he composed himself and pulled away, for once letting the other man needy.  
"If your girlfriend comes in, you're gonna throw me away again ?" snapped Whizzer, still resentful at the shaved man in front of him and angry at himself for accepting the kiss.  
"It's my bedroom and she's not my girlfriend," answered the other.

Whizzer cringed, resisting at the will to scan the room in order to learn more about the man who was standing way too close to him. If only he could step a little bit away, so Whizzer could benefit from a full use of his brain.  
His plead was not heard as the man leaned against the door with his arm, trapping Whizzer even more.

Though, he managed to keep his cool and not to stare too much at the lips facing him.  
"Does your _girlfriend_ know you take boys to your room and slam them against the door to kiss them ?" he said, folding his arms against his waist, in a defensive motion. He was not really feeling in danger or anything, just a bit vulnerable under that green gaze.

"Oh, so you can be sassy, I see," the other man chuckled.  
"Yes, I can," he hissed, even a little bit more pissed.  
The man had just intimidated him the previous time _.  
_  
"I like that," he heard the man said.  
"You being sassy, I mean," he added in front of Whizzer's confused face. "But I definitely don't have a girlfriend."  
"Um, that's what they-," he began to say before being shut up by lips once again.

Whizzer dropped his arms in shock. He hated himself for not being able to pull away, but though he was keeping a certain decency as he was not totally kissing back.

The shaved man felt it after a time and pulled away, watching Whizzer with his usual devilish grin.  
"Does your boyfriend know that you had been slammed against a door and kissed, and that you had not complained about it yet?" he said, almost whispering, and showing by his chin Whizzer pinned at the door, even if it was not like he could really get out of the room when a (handsome) man was putting his weight on the door.

"Oh, don't worry, I was about to," he finally answered. "But someone put his mouth on mine before."  
The man frowned and was about to say something but Whizzer cut him off because despite himself he wanted to make something clear, "And he's not my boyfriend. If he was, he had not let you take me away like that."

"What the fuck, by the way," he added seeing the man smiling again.  
He was prepared to complain now, because the fact that the man was handsome was not enough as an excuse.

He had not expected the other to answer genuinely, "You're so pretty," as he looked in his eyes and kissed him more passionately than before.

So this time, Whizzer definitely melted at the kiss, forgetting all what he wanted to name his pride. As the kiss became rougher and their tongues started to play together, he felt his whole body tingle and some warmth go down his chest to his crotch.

Whizzer collected his thoughts and fought against himself. He was not about to be aroused by some kisses from a stranger against a door.  
Even if it actually sounded super hot phrased like that.

The other man might had been playing with him again, he had to not and never forget it. He could be let needy, alone and ridiculous once again.  
So it had to come to a stop. He was not about to be played once more.  
And Whizzer had understood the man had been annoyed by his former teasing behaviour. So he prepared his best smirk, liking the fact that he was about to give the man a taste of his own medicine. The shaved man had been the first playing with Whizzer, now it was his turn to enjoy the game for a bit. Plus he knew playing was about to make everything funnier. And he was almost sure he would be able to earn what he wanted anyway.  
He had waited for a week to feel those lips on his again so the man could wait a few moments more.  
  
He pulled away again and smiling genuinely, even if his playful look was betraying him, he asked, "What's even your name ?".  
Above all because he actually wanted to know. How could men of his kind have a name ? They seemed to be just apparitions. Nameless apparitions. And sometimes maybe it was for the best.

"When do you just shut up ?" groaned the man, who rested on his arm next to Whizzer's head.  
"Maybe when you would have tell me your name," answered Whizzer, enjoying the control he had won.  
He wasn't feeling vulnerable anymore even if the fire in the man's eyes was definitely making him melt and desperate for more contact, if not something like submission.

The shaved man sighed while getting his hand down the door behind Whizzer's neck, brushing his hair.  
"I'm Nicolas," he said. "Happy?"  
Whizzer tried to keep his calm despite his too strong consciousness of the man's hand and the fact that his fingers were now opening his collar more.  
"Okay," he managed to say before he saw the man, Nicolas then, leaning down to kiss his collarbone and before he almost gasped.

His neck and the surrounding places had always been among the most sensitive of his body and he could feel the other man grinning against his skin, knowing he had guessed right.

As he kissed the skin along his neck, Whizzer really lost his insolence and his so called control for a while. When Nicolas started to pepper kisses under his jawline and to get near his ear, he felt he was losing it. He knew he had to play a little bit longer, so he lifted the man's head and kissed him deeply on the lips. Nicolas did not complain about it and they made out for a moment.

Then Whizzer feeling he was losing it again, pulled away and Nicolas sighed before he even opened the mouth.  
"What ?" Whizzer asked in a laugh, looking at the man, both of their hands on the other's cheeks.  
"Don't you were supposed to shut up now that I told you my name ?", the man mumbled.  
"I haven't spoken yet," Whizzer exclaimed. "And bold of you to assume that I would shut up before mocking it."  
"Go ahead then, so I can go ahead with my own plans," answered the other. Then he smiled for himself and started to kiss Whizzer's face, first on his cheeks, while putting his hands on the door on both sides of his head.

Whizzer started thinking about something to say, but he could not anymore when Nicolas arrived next to his ear once again. His breath hitched and he held back a groan _in extremis_.

Nicolas, catching the hint anyway, lasted in the spot and tortured the up of his neck, before slightly biting Whizzer's ear, the latter definitely delivering a moan this time.

"I see," said playfully Nicolas before returning to Whizzer's lips while his hands were wandering on his waist, brushing his nipples through his shirt and making him quite hard.  
Then the man's hands landed on his belt which they pulled off really quickly for what Whizzer could think, hypnotised by the tongue twirling in his mouth. His body was so hot that his ideas were like steam and could not help but fade away.

He felt his trousers fall down.  
Nicolas's hand arrived on the seam of his boxers and Whizzer sighed in prediction of what was about to follow, putting his hands on the door behind him to support himself.  
If he was honest with himself, Whizzer would tell that he had waited for this moment to happen the whole week.

Nicolas' hand finally made its way beyond the seam and brushed Whizzer's dick making him groan.

The man then got his boxers down before his hands went back to his erection which was quite inevitable at that point. One hand touched and caressed the tip of his dick while the other went behind Whizzer's back to empathize the motions and the sensations.  
Nicolas looked at him smiling as he started to stroke his cock at an uncomfortably slow pace. It was almost too much to handle for Whizzer. He shut his eyes before he felt the man's lips exploring his collar again. He moaned as he was at the same time too satisfied and not enough. He craved for more.  
So he said in a trembling voice, "Faster". The man stopped what he was doing before he obeyed.

Thus Whizzer started panting as the contact began to be overwhelming. His back slowly arched, followed by Nicolas's hand still there.  
The man's lips continued to attack his collarbones, probably leaving bruises as he was starting to be rougher in his kisses. The same way he was accelerating the pace of his hand more and more.

Whizzer felt his whole body tense as he was coming close to his climax. But Nicolas pulled away and stilled his hand, leaving Whizzer still panting.  
"Please," he begged weakly, opening his eyes and glancing at the man. He saw him grin, as always, and heard him say, "Say my name now that you know it," and Whizzer's breath hitched even more at the tone of the man.

The man started again the same slow pace which had been driving Whizzer crazy and making him forget about everything. His whole body and mind was focused on how Nicolas had his fingers wrapped around his cock again and how he was using them.  
The man finally quickened the pace, making Whizzer moan higherly and he heard himself say in a whining voice, "Nicolas- please". He felt that quickly his body could not take more and he came in Nicolas's hand.

The man then withdrew it, stepping away to clean himself and Whizzer put his boxers and his trousers up again. He hardly managed to do it as he could not feel his feet anymore and felt like he could crumble at any moment.  
"Am I allowed to sit somewhere now ?" he said, half-jockingly as he was almost trembling.  
"Of course, sorry," rambled Nicolas, after a quick frank laugh, and lead Whizzer to his bed by his hand.  
  
  
There, they sat next to each other, Whizzer still a little bit panting, but glad. The game had been played and to him, he had won. He had had what he had wanted.

But if he was really honest with himself, it had also made him feel damn vulnerable, as with the other man had always made him felt so far. Maybe his victory had not been clear enough and now he actually wanted to make the man feel as vulnerable as he just had. The game could know another round after all.  
And maybe in a way, he was grateful for what had happened and wanted to make it clear.  
  
So he put a hand on Nicolas's knee, and looked at him with a smirk. Nicolas looked back at him expectingly and smiled before Whizzer leaned to kiss him.  
As the kiss deepened, Whizzer started to straddle Nicolas and put his knees on both sides of the man.

When his hand wandered close to his crotch, Nicolas pulled away and looking frankly in Whizzer's eyes, he said, " You don't _have_ to do that, you know".  
"I know," Whizzer replied and he began to rub Nicolas's thighs making him shiver.  
He kissed him one last time before he went to the floor on his knees.  
He slowly pulled Nicolas's trousers down, locking eyes with him.

Whizzer started to kiss the man's bare inner thighs, softly at first then not anymore, loving the sounds he was having in response from the other. Nicolas was actually panting and even began to moan as Whizzer moved closer to his crotch.  
"Nicolas," Whizzer humed after he had removed the man's boxers.

He was intentionally avoiding the man's dick. Whizzer did not love anything more than teasing, he really felt like it was as pleasurable as actual sex. And Nicolas was way too receptive to it, so why not going on with it ?

"Nicolas," he repeated slyly, stressing the final sound.  
The man in question got out of his trance the kisses Whizzer was peppering had led him into to say, in a small voice, "The 's' is silent, you know".  
Whizzer lifted his head to look at him before he answered with a smirk, "Is it ?"  
Then he suddenly took the man's dick in his mouth, making him gasp loudly.

He lifted his eyes again to see the man, his head backwards, in awe. So he started to go up and down with his mouth on the man's length, almost mimicking the slow pace the latter had used just before.

Nicolas seemed to find how to move again as he leaned and put his hands in Whizzer's hair to empathize his thrusts. Whizzer pulled away with a small sound and said to the man with a snide look, "Don't you ruin my hair".  
Nicolas just smiled without even sassiness and kept his hands this way.  
So Whizzer sighed and tortured the tip of the man's cock with his tongue, making the man panting.  
  
He was cute. So cute that even if Whizzer could have snapped, as that was what he usually did, especially about his hair, he did not even want to.  
The man was definitely making him weak, in every way. But feeling the man even weaker because of his mouth was giving him enough satisfaction to not think too much about it.

So he continued to suck him off, accelerating more and more. Feeling that the other was approaching his climax, he used his right hand to grab what he could not take in his mouth and started to stroke.  
Nicolas came quickly in his mouth and he swallowed it without hesitation.  
  
  
Then there was a silence for a while, only dotted by Nicolas still a little bit panting and some sighs from Whizzer after he had put back on Nicolas's boxers and lifted himself on the bed.  
  
As he laid on the sheets, Whizzer was almost falling into sleep, still a little bit high, when he heard the man next to him say in an almost shy voice : "Can I see you again ?".  
Whizzer froze for a moment, not expecting that and not knowing what to answer.  
He had wanted to see the other man again during the week because he was still turn on and was frustrated but now - did he still want to have the man around ? Despite the fact that he gave good handjobs.  
  
"I'll pay for lunch," added the man.  
Whizzer got up on his elbows and frowned before saying : "Are you trying to buy me with food right now ?".  
  
"Yes, okay. I'll come," he said after a time during which Nicolas had stayed silent.  
He did not really know why he did. He did not really want to know why he did. He would figure it out later.

They agreed on meeting two days after for noon in a small but cosy place Whizzer actually knew not quite far from his work, during his lunch break.

He felt like Nicolas was almost about to ask him to stay the night according to how he was looking at him. And Whizzer was really not prepared for that so he said that he had to find his friends – which was not a lie.

Thus he got up and was about to leave when he felt his wrist grasped by Nicolas's hand. He turned and was bent to Nicolas's face. There, the man kissed him lightly, putting one of his hands behind his head to deepen the kiss a little. Whizzer finally pulled away and said quickly, his face blushing, "Bye".  
The man smiled again and answered the same. Whizzer then got out of the room and shut the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

_What the fuck am I doing ?_ thought Whizzer as he was walking on the sidewalk in direction of the place they had agreed with Nicolas two days before.

 _What the fuck am I doing ?_ He kept thinking the same thing but at the same time kept walking. He hated himself for not being able to stop right there and to turn around . The fact was he had managed to stop himself thinking too much about Nicolas for the two previous days. But it had all come back after he had waken up that morning and he was currently continuously harassed by thoughts a bout him and their meeting .  
  


What were they even going to talk about ? They had nothing in common _–_ at least he assumed. They had both touched each other’s dick, that was it and that was not going to last long in a conversation.

Of course the man attracted him, that was not a question anymore. The man was charming, fascinating and hot, how could Whizzer even resist ? But maybe that was all. What if he was boring when he was not slamming him against a door and eating his neck up ? What if his lips had nothing more to offer than kisses and boring statements ?

Whizzer feared that the whole thing was about to be deadly embarrassing, neither of them knowing what to say and only thinking that they had seen each other’s genitals. He had already had dates or plans of the sort and had not kept a great memory of them.  
  


He only had an hour for this one anyway. He did not want to be late for his work – his boss was basically an ass and a huger ass regarding delay. He reminded himself the time when Meredith, his coworker, had arrived late and had been yelled at for twenty minutes. He had still chills thinking about it.  
  


However, he was kind of looking forward to that so called date as he craved for answers. The man had left tons of mysteries around him and the way that he had acted, mysteries that Whizzer would like to put an end to. So he kept walking.

Was it going to be worth it, though ? What if answers to his questions led him to even more questions ? Was it the beginning of a flock of questions ? Maybe it was for the best to turn around now and to relieve himself from those hypothetical future interrogations.  
  


But the way Nicolas looked at him pleased him. Or the way he had kissed him goodbye. Soft and genuine. Something Whizzer had not experienced for a while and it was a surprisingly nice change.

And yet, what was he expecting from Whizzer ? To kiss, to fuck again or something more ? Whizzer had not done more for some time. And he was not sure he wanted to. He was not sure he wanted to commit to a real relationship with anyone. And especially not with a man whose principal quality he knew was that he seemed to be very good in bed.

He did not even know if his attraction to the man was a good or a bad thing, in that that he did not know where it was leading him and where or if it could stop.  
  


And the man was fucking erratic, you could never know what he was thinking or what he was about to do. There was nothing reassuring about that. After all, he could be even be playing with him once more. And Whizzer had still to turn out insecurities the man’s behavior had raised in a first time.  
  


But he could not overthink further as he was arrived at the place.

As he opened the glass door, Whizzer noticed that Nicolas was already in there at a table for two, staring into space. Whizzer would have liked to appreciate the view for a time but he was betrayed by the bell linked to the door as it rang and announced his presence. Nicolas got out of his thoughts and looked at him, smiling. Whizzer smiled back, sighed then got past the door.  
  


He walked to the table while Nicolas got up. They looked at each other for a moment without knowing how to interact. It was not like they were going to kiss and shaking hands appeared weird to them, so here they were, just standing and looking at each other with a mix of pitiful irony and soft uneasiness.  
  


Nicolas finally sat down and Whizzer did the same after he had taken off his denim jacket.

“I just warn you, I only have an hour. My boss is a dick and-”, the latter started before being cut by Nicolas who said at once: “No problem, but we should order now if you don’t want to be late.”

Whizzer nodded and they looked at the menu for a while.  
  


“You should try the _quiche”,_ Nicolas broke the silence.  
“Oh, stop your French propaganda right away”, replied playfully Whizzer.

Nicolas laughed, which decreased Whizzer’s anxiety. Nicolas’s laugh had sounded once again as a gentle poison, but also as a relief that time. Maybe Whizzer could handle that meal, finally.

Whizzer ended up choosing pasta and regretting it at once, as he ate enough pasta by himself, but he did not want to embarrass himself so he kept it quiet while Nicolas chose a _soufflé_ after he had to assert to him that it was not by nostalgia.

Nicolas called the waiter and they ordered. Then they avoided each other’s looks and a silent weighed on them for a time.  
  


“Okay, this is embarrassing, I’m sorry”, Nicolas chuckled.  
“What are you apologizing for?”, Whizzer asked, lifting an eyebrow.  
“I feel like I have nothing interesting to say to a fascinating young man like you”, he sighed.  
“Firstly, you’re making me feel old while we are the same age, you’re maybe older than me, so calm down. Secondly, don't play it like I'm the mysterious one, _monsieur_ ”, Whizzer replied.  
“I see my French propaganda has worked.”  
“Shut up.”  
“But you really think I’m mysterious?”, Nicolas said, apparently frankly surprised.

The man seemed to be from another world, he came out of nowhere to pull him by the arm, he changed his personality every two minutes. Of course he was mysterious to Whizzer.

As he rolled his eyes, Nicolas continued: “Okay, then tell me, what do you wanna know about me?”.  
“Oh, so now I can ask you everything that comes to my mind?”, asked Whizzer, a smile on his lips.  
“As you want, chatterbox”, replied Nicolas.

Whizzer stuck his tongue out at him and Nicolas chuckled.  
  


Whizzer smiled while he was thinking about the first question he should ask the man. He was reassured they had found a way to end that silence between them. But now he had to think well. What was the first thing he wanted to know ? It felt like it was a big deal. Like it could change everything with one question. A few words and here you went.

The man was a thread of mysteries so which string should he pull first ?  
  


“Why did you want to see me again?”, he finally said.  
“Isn’t that obvious? There’s not a lot of mystery here for me”, Nicolas answered with a pout.  
Whizzer cringed and said: “For you, yes, that’s the problem, so enlighten me.”  
“Why are you here?” asked Nicolas as an answer.  
“I thought I was the one asking the questions”, snapped Whizzer.  
“As I thought you were not going to come in.”  
  


“But okay”, Nicolas started again as Whizzer was staying quiet, wanting a clearer answer. “As I said, I think you are fascinating and I wanna know you better.”  
  
“And I wish I tasted those lips again”, he added after another silence from Whizzer.

The latter blushed and looked suddenly at him. He blushed even more when he saw the waiter getting nearer.  
  


The man served them and Nicolas was beginning to attack his _soufflé_ when Whizzer whispered to him, leaning over the table: “I don’t know how it is perceived in France, but you should not say that so loud or talk about my lips again, even if I honestly wish you could.”  
“I see”, replied Nicolas. “But you know, despite what all your Hollywood films want to make you think, it’s the same in France. It has stopped being a country of depravity for a long time - if this had been the case one day.”  
“By the bye, why are you not in France right now ? Why did you come to America ?” asked Whizzer, his mouth full of pasta.  
“Because of my parents. They wanted me to do like big... things, so to run away from them and to annoy them, I went here.”  
“Okay, I respect that.”  
“I’m sorry to tell you that my revolt was not absolute”, chuckled Nicolas. “My parents only agreed I came here if I continued my studies and everything.”  
“What do you study?” asked Whizzer, putting his chin on his hand while chewing his pasta.  
“Before I tell you, just know that it’s not a personal choice”, continued Nicolas. “My parents are pains in the ass. I mean, no, it’s quite unfair to my mom. _My dad_ is a pain in the ass. A real one, worse than your boss, I think. He’s quite the _cliché_ of a bank director – rich, tense and dull. He wants me to take his succession as a good son, so he made me study… economics”, said Nicolas in a decreasing voice.  
“You study economics?”, Whizzer said with a pout.  
  
In front of Nicolas’s puzzled face, he added: “Um, too bad, I thought of something sexier.”  
“Shut up, it’s horrible and I know it, you don’t have to stigmatize me more”, said Nicolas to him, laughing before he took a bite of his _soufflé_.  
  


One laugh more. Whizzer was starting to know where this was leading them. He was starting to get the rhythm of their conversation, of their dance. He was feeling quite good, despite all his fears. Nicolas was after all maybe more than a look and he was pleasant to talk with. He was quite funny, above all, and he was receptive to Whizzer’s sense of humour.

Whizzer felt like falling even more.

“Okay, maybe I won’t, therefore”, he said after a time.  
“Thank you, I appreciate it”, mocked Nicolas.  
“I hope so”, he scoffed. “But tell me, how did you land in that rich kid’s apartment?”  
“That’s what you call us? _Rich kids_?”  
“Isn’t that what you are?”, Whizzer asked, his eyebrow raised.  
“Fair”, admitted Nicolas.  
“So answer my question, you French little rich kid”, taunted Whizzer, as he wrapped pasta around his fork.  
“Okay, okay, my father knows Peter’s father from… how do you say ? _Collège_?”  
“You mean they met during their study?”, helped Whizzer.  
“Yes. He sent me there because he thought he could keep a hand on me from France thanks to his old friend. But what he didn’t plan was that the friend in question doesn’t care a whit about me so I’m quite at ease”, concluded Nicolas, with a satisfied smile.  
“And you’re friend with Peter?”, asked Whizzer.  
“He’s fine but we’re not that close. The only things he likes are girls and economics”, replied Nicolas.  
“Your perfect double, indeed”, smirked Whizzer.  
“Exactly”, Nicolas said, winking at him.  
“So your American friends don’t know that you’re- you know- not a Peter ?”, Whizzer said trying not to blush under a gaze he was still not used to.  
“No, they don’t. Officially. But I don’t think it would be a real problem if they learned it. You saw the huge parties they throw, they see a bit of everything there, so nah… I think they would be _ok_ about it.”  
  
What about Pamela then ? Whizzer had put his anger aside because he thought that at least Nicolas was ashamed of being who he was and was not out yet. But if it was not that, why had he treated him like garbage ? His behaviour only screamed "asshole" in that case.  
  


“Okay, tougher question… Sorry but then why the fuck did you left that first night?”, said Whizzer, trying not to sound as resentful as he was.  
Nicolas cringed and replied : “I knew this was gonna come one day. I’m sorry, I guess you had hated my guts.”  
“Hell yes! You left me like a fool, of course I fucking hated you”, asserted Whizzer.  
“But you’re here, today”, Nicolas replied with the grin that made Whizzer weak and willing to forgive him.  
  
And he was, actually, unwillingly. Because he was tired of overthinking everything about the man and he wanted to accept the easy answers he was offering. He had overthought Pamela’s role in all of this without finding new answers. So maybe it had to stop. Maybe he had become the drama queen he had feared to be.  
He knew he was being terribly weak but after all, why fight ? The man was right. Despite everything, he was there, sitting opposite to him. He was attracted to him, he even started to like him - maybe it was time to completely accept it. And maybe it was time to let some things go.  
In a way, the man facing him felt different from the man he had met that night, not so long ago. The fact was it was behind them. They were now talking like normal persons.  
The man had apologized. Overthinking it over and over was going to lead them nowhere, anyway. The best was maybe to move on - even if something inside him was trying to proudly refuse to.  
  


“Don’t push your luck, rich kid”, thus he said, still wary.  
“I like when you call me this”, replied at once Nicolas, smiling, his head on his hand.  
“I might stop then”, continued Whizzer on the same rhythm.  
“Please no, it would be the end of me”, said falsely tragically Nicolas.

They looked at each other for a time, Nicolas smiling while Whizzer was too puzzled to answer something. The man knew how to make himself irresistible. And that was a huge matter of concern for him at the moment. He sighed. He really was weak.  
  


“Moving on – how do the fuck – I really have to stop using ‘the fuck’ in each of my questions but it’s because you-”. He stopped as he saw Nicolas’s intrigued look and prevented him to speak by a move of the hand before he added: “Nothing – how do _the fuck_ you speak English so well? I thought French people were bad at languages.”  
“I don’t know. I learned in school and I often went to the theater, I guess? America had always been a fantasy of mine, an escape from my father”, he said.  
“And now it’s real.”  
Nicolas nodded before he added with a sad smile: “For a time, yes.”  
“What do you mean?”, asked Whizzer.  
“I’m only here for a year”, answered Nicolas. “So I only have more than ten months of freedom left.”  
  
Whizzer stayed silent for a while. He was actually getting attached to the man without thinking of the implications or anything of the sort.  
The man was French - of course he was not staying till his death in New York. He had to get back to Paris and to all its magic one day. And Whizzer was actually pretty upset about it.  
How could he regret the departure of someone he swore to hate one night ? He did not know but he could attest that he did.  
  


The silent was back and Whizzer was about to make it last before he saw Nicolas’s face. He looked really pitiful. He had never seen him like that before and in a way, he had never looked so human to Whizzer.  
He was probably thinking about him going back to France and Whizzer sympathized. His dad seemed awful, for sure.

So he decided he did not have to be sad for the man being there only for a limited time. He was not the one that was or would be really suffering. The man facing him seemed to be profoundly affected. And that was the real thing that was making him a bit sad.  
  


So Whizzer sighed and did the only thing he knew to cheer people up and said: “I have to admit that English is not the only tongue you master.”  
Nicolas laughed as he was surprised and smirking he said: “And I have to admit that you’re sassier by day than by night”.  
  
Whizzer grinned to him and, after a moment of hesitation, he put his foot on Nicolas’s and stared at him like nothing was happening, even if his smile was betraying him. He liked to be touched and to touch the man. It was infectious. He had always been a touchy-feely person and it was always worst with the people attracting him. He just basically became a cat purring and searching for being caressed.  
And he felt that was totally happening at the moment. If they had not been in public, he might have come closer, taken the man’s hand and just fucking kissed him. He did not know if it was by sympathy or just by the fault of some damn appeal but he really wanted to do, right now.  
But so far it was just his foot touching the man's under a cloth. Maybe for the better.  
  


Nicolas cut the trail of his thoughts by saying suddenly: “But enough talking about me, you’re the mysterious man to me, I wanna learn more on you.”

At the same time, more casually than Whizzer previously, Nicolas looked at him and raised his foot along Whizzer’s leg, making him a bit shiver. He really craved for more contact.  
  


“I’m not sure there’s a lot to learn. I’m not a mysterious shaved man running away from France to hide dirty secrets from his strict dad, sorry”, he mocked to make Nicolas forget about his reddening face.  
“Fuck you, handsome American”, laughed Nicolas.  
“You’re terrible at nicknames”, taunted Whizzer.  
“I know”, chuckled Nicolas, pegging his fork in his _soufflé_.  
  


Whizzer prevented himself to say _I_ _’_ _ll_ _teach you_ as the words took form in his mouth. He was not about to get more attached than he already had. The man was not staying in New York. The man was going back to France one day, sooner than he could think of it. And the man was casually caressing his leg with his foot. No big deal there.  
  


He sighed and asked : “What do you wanna know? Here you go, it’s your turn to ask.”  
“Where did you grow up?”, thus asked Nicolas.  
“In a place that doesn’t deserve to be named”, replied Whizzer.  
“I can ask something else if you want”, said quietly Nicolas.  
“Nah, don’t worry, I’m used to it now”, and he added looking into Nicolas’s understanding eyes: “I grew up in a small and shitty narrow-minded place. Thankfully I had my friend Rose with me. We are like twins for everything, especially on how much we hate that place. So at seventeen we decided to ran away.”  
“You really did it ?”, asked Nicolas.  
“We were about to be kicked out by our parents anyway. Home, sweet home.” sighed Whizzer.  
“And where did you go?”  
“Straight away to New York, that was our own fantasy since forever. So, yeah, we went here, we made up new names- no, don’t ask”, Whizzer anticipated, a smile on his lips and a finger before Nicolas who raised his hands as to show his innocence and closed his mouth on the question he was about to phrase.  
“And there we managed to live on our own”, he continued. “We were helped by Rose’s sister who had already been living in New York. We did all kinds of shitty jobs to pay the rent of our shared apartment, then to pay the rent of our separated apartments, and here we are today. Still alive,” he ended with a wide smile. It had been nice memories after all. Adrenaline, friendship and freedom. He was not about to look back and feeling sad about a bunch of assholes he had forgotten about.  
  


“What’s your current work?”, asked Nicolas  
“Okay, that’s the moment you can stigmatize me”, sighed playfully Whizzer.  
“Please, tell me.”  
“Just know that this is the best job I’ve ever had”, said Whizzer falsely serious.  
“Just tell me already”, shouted Nicolas, laughing.  
“I’m a clerk in the smallest publicity agency existing.”  
“It’s not that bad.”  
“Not as bad as economics, you’re right”, replied Whizzer with a grin.  
“It’s not quite sexy neither.”  
“I don’t allow you”, said Whizzer, falsely shocked, a hand on his chest.  
“Not as sexy as you,” replied Nicolas with his infamous wide smile.  
“Stop it, this smile is totally not working on me”, Whizzer laughed.  
  
 _But maybe your foot is._ It had not changed its place or pace but it stayed in Whizzer’s mind. He had managed to focus on their conversation but it was still a little enjoyable matter of concern to him.  
  


After he had taken another fork of his food, he let his eyes wander on the wall and they came across the clock on the wall.

“Oh, shit, I have to leave now if I don’t want to be in trouble”, he quickly said.

The foot went down and he regretted it immediately.

“If you hate your boss so much, you could make him wait for a bit”, offered Nicolas.  
“I do hate him, but he is sadly the man that pays me so I’m doing great at fake smiles and at being on time”, replied Whizzer.  
“Before you leave, can I ask you a last something?”, the man facing him shyly asked.  
“Um, yes” he replied absent-mindedly, as he was raising his arm to call the waiter in order to have the check and as he was taking the last bite of his pasta.  
“Please come to the new party organized at Peter’s place next Saturday ?”  
  


Whizzer stopped as he was putting back his jacket and stared at him.

“A party once again? At the same apartment ? Our relationship is already stuck into routine, honey”, he smirked.  
Nicolas chuckled, then said, looking at him: “I never know how to catch you. I don’t know if you want men to be cute or rough with you.”  
  
Whizzer tried not to blush and avoiding his look stood up while the waiter appeared next to them.

“Bring me back the check later, I’ll pay for him”, Nicolas said to the waiter who left. “This way, you’ll have to pay me back another day.”  
“Did you learn that one in a cheesy film or what?”, cringed Whizzer.  
“Shut up, just answer my question.”  
“You are sending me contradictory messages.”

Whizzer was thinking quickly. After all, Nicolas was not so terrible. He had no plans for future hook ups or anything lately. And even if the man was leaving in ten months, maybe that was for the best. It was just like a very long hook-up, after all – a handsome man, expected pleasure and one clear deadline.

“Just tell me, you’re gonna be late.”  
“Wait two seconds.”

Nicolas looked at him with a pout, waiting for his answer.

“Don’t do me the puppy eyes show, it does not work on me – I invented it", said Whizzer without looking at him.

Nicolas smiled but continued to look at him intensely.

Whizzer had never thought it like a long hook-up so far but it was essentially quite true. He knew that their relationship was going to end up one day. They were getting along well. It could be fun and pleasant. Why, not try that out, after all ?  
  


“Okay, okay, I’ll go”, Whizzer finally answered. “See you there then, I’ll be there by ten. Bye”, he said to him before rushing to the door and preparing himself to run in the streets.


	4. Chapter 4

The party was going great.

Whizzer was right when he had said that their relationship was starting to repeat itself because the party really looked the same that the previous times. It felt like he had dived into a memory. And it was still very funny to him.  
  


He chuckled in Nicolas’s arms as they were dancing to a slow music. The alcohol starting to invade his mind had made him totally forget about the doubts he had previously had on the evening and had made his conscious a bit blurry, helped in that by Nicolas’s current proximity.  
  
  


They had met in front of the building. Nicolas had waited for him before the glass door. It had warmed Whizzer’s heart who had smiled to the man. It was ten as he had said.

They had stood facing each other and stared for a second.

“Hey”, Whizzer had finally said. And he had come closer to Nicolas and kissed him on the cheek.

Then he had taken his hand, before leading him to the glass door because he was in a good mood and starting to like the guy. Nicolas had unlocked the door and they had gone upstairs, fingers intertwined.  
  


After they had entered the apartment and wandered for a while, Nicolas had made him met some of his friends, including Pamela. He had managed to say ‘hi’ to her as normally as he could and Nicolas had tried to hold back a laugh. Whizzer had sent him a rather annoyed look but the man had avoided it in a falsely and exaggeratedly innocent way which had made Whizzer laugh.

Then he had talked for a bit with Pamela who had happened to be a very nice girl. She had not seemed to recognize him and, in a way, he had been very thankful for that.

Whizzer had also discovered that Peter was cute and had taunted Nicolas with that.  
  


Then, as was Nicolas’s habit, the man had pulled him by the arm to the kitchen where he had served them full glasses they had started to sip slowly. They had sat in a sofa, next to the kitchen, where the music had been less loud, and they had just started commenting, praising or criticizing people passing them or dancing.

It had been so petty sometimes but also so funny that Whizzer’s zygomatics had just hurt. As they had talked, they had snuggled closer from each other and they had ended up shoulder brushing shoulder and thigh brushing thigh, without avoiding to reach each other whenever they could.  
  


After a while, Nicolas had leaned down to Whizzer and said in his ear : “Shall we stop bitching about the others and give them a chance to bitch about us ?”, and he had showed his hand to him as a lord. Hand that Whizzer had gracefully taken before replying with a grin : “We shall, _monsieur_ ”.

Thus they had gotten up and gone to the dance floor.  
  
  


And so far they had kept on with dancing.

As they were, Nicolas got closer to Whizzer and the latter wriggled nearer, pleased. But Nicolas only said to his ear : “I think there’s your friends over there”, as he pointed something behind Whizzer’s head. The latter turned around and discovered indeed his friends entering the room.

He met Teddy’s eyes. But after seeming as surprised as him, the little man looked away. Whizzer definitely lost his smile when he saw him turning away and entering a new room.

The man seemed upset. Was it because of him? Okay, he had been invited to a party and had not shared the word. But, come on, that was all.  
  


Followed by Nicolas, Whizzer came towards Rose who smiled frankly at him. Whizzer felt a weigh on his heart fly away as he knew Rose was not upset, at least.

“Hey”, she said to him, then repeated it to Nicolas before smirking at Whizzer who made a face to her. They stepped away from the dance floor to be heard.  
“What’s the matter with Teddy ? Is he mad at me ?”, Whizzer asked with a sad grimace.

He was really pained as he truly wanted to talk to him at the moment, to tell him everything that had happened and to share his current joy and excitement.

But maybe Teddy also truly wanted him to tell him and that was why he was currently annoyed. The fact was that they had not talked of the week, because of Whizzer’s work. And Whizzer had also had too much to think about those days to take the time to check on his friends, he admitted that. Maybe something had happened to Teddy he did not know about.  
  


“A little bit, I guess. But don’t worry, he loves you. It’s not gonna last long, you know how he is”, Rose replied before he could overthink more.

Whizzer only recovered his smile when he felt Nicolas’s large hand on his back, rubbing it slightly to cheer him up. He appreciated the gesture.  
  


“And how are you ? Lily’s not here ?”, he said with a small smile.  
“Nah, she had stuff to do, so I’m here by myself. I mean, myself and the grouch over there”, she replied, laughing. “How about you, guys ?”

“Wait”, she added before they could reply, after looking at them, shoulder against shoulder. “Oh my God, you’re both so tall”, she laughed.  
“I’m taller than him, though”, Whizzer shouted genuinely.  
Nicolas, falsely shocked, turned to him to say : “Since when ?”.  
“Since I am two centimeters taller than you”, replied Whizzer, sticking out his tongue to him.  
“And who asserted that ?”  
“I don’t hear you, little man”, said Whizzer playfully dodging Nicolas’s look.  
Rose laughed again, then said : “Okay, I see- you are already unbearable together, I love you.”

She looked at them for a while, smiling, as they were poking each other, then she added : “Well- I have to search for Teddy, so have a great evening, you two".  
  


Whizzer kept smiling as she went away, but he started to stare blankly into space. He had never fought with Teddy. Since they had met, they had just been the best of friends. He did not even know how to make up with him because he never had the chance before.  
  


“Hey, you’re okay ?” asked softly Nicolas.  
“Yeah, don’t worry.”

“But I need a drink”, Whizzer added with a real smile that time.  
“Your wish is my command. I’m coming back.”

Nicolas leaned down and kissed Whizzer lightly on the lips before he went away.  
  


Whizzer smiled by himself, feeling way too cheesy, with all the butterfly crap. He had forgotten about that mixed feeling of ridiculous happiness and delicious embarrassment. He got out of the room and stood against the wall. He looked at the crowd. Out of habit, he noted some handsome guys hanging around alone, opened to offers. But tonight Whizzer looked away.  
  


Nicolas came back with big glasses full of what seemed to be punch. Whizzer smiled even bigger and looking at Nicolas he drank almost a quarter of his glass.

“Shit, be careful”, said Nicolas with a move of the hand towards him to stop him.  
“We have to finish them if we want to go back dancing”, replied Whizzer as it was the most logical thing ever.  
“You’re just gonna get drunk in ten minutes.”  
“I’m never drunk.”  
“We’ll see about that”, smirked Nicolas.  
  


And here he was, sipping his glass way too quickly, without thinking about the aftermath – to impress Nicolas, he guessed. He felt good, he did not care.

He felt good. He had put aside the pitiful face of Teddy, thinking that he would make it up later. Rosie had said it. It would not last. The fact was that it would be a shame if he and Teddy should fall out because of that. It was not such a big deal. It was nothing. It was going to be alright.

He felt good and he was with the most handsome guy at the party. Everything was alright.

So he took a sip.  
  


The two men eventually went back to the dance floor.

Along the evening, Whizzer, followed by Nicolas who, as he noticed, stayed with him all the time, danced. Depending on the music, he shook his body with the flair of a star, jumped around with the joy of a puppy, twirled with the grace of an angel. He felt like a teenager again. It was quite ridiculous. But joyous.

He lost measure of time.  
  
  


And yet, because of an insidious thought that had entered his mind, at some point, Whizzer got closer to Nicolas and pulled him close by the collar of his shirt.

“I’ve never correctly visited your room”, murmured Whizzer in Nicolas’s ear with a pretty tipsy voice. They had kept drinking and dancing for an hour and Whizzer had become quite unconscious of what he did, only focused on Nicolas’s smile, eyes and hands. That was all that he was seeing. All that he wanted to see. Him, him, him.

He felt like obsessed, he yearned for the slightest touch, the tiniest kiss and the brightest brushing. Alcohol was tearing down his last reserve and he just wanted the freaking man for himself.  
  


Nicolas looked at him for a time, thinking, a bit high too. He finally nodded and took Whizzer’s hand. He led him through corridors and Whizzer smiled for himself, thinking about the first time they had done the way. He was looking at the shaved head more fondly than that time.

  
They arrived at the room and Nicolas closed the door behind them. He crossed his arms and watched Whizzer as the latter was looking at everything. There was almost nothing on the walls but the desk was covered of sheets of paper, books and all kind of things.

Whizzer took one book and scanned its cover before bursting into laughter. Nicolas came closer and asked him what that was about.

“Oh, nothing, just found some good ol’ economics books here”, stammered Whizzer not able to stop his laugh.  
“Stop it”, smiled Nicolas. “You’re not going to let me in peace with that, aren’t you ?”  
“As I said”, mimicked Whizzer, “not quite sexy.”

Then he smiled at him and winked.

“I know, I know”, answered Nicolas, trying to get his book out of Whizzer’s hand. When he had managed to do so and had put the book back on the desk, Nicolas looked back at Whizzer and saw that he was pouting.

“What ?”, Nicolas asked.  
“You have to say ‘Less sexy than you’”, Whizzer replied with a childish voice.  
“Do I ?”, smirked Nicolas, as they were facing each other, from quite close.

Whizzer looked at his lips for a second before stepping away and saying : “Jerk.”  
  


He could not go far away as he was stopped by Nicolas’s grip on his wrist that pulled him close to the man again. They looked into each other’s eyes and Nicolas, smiling, chuckled : “I already said it once : shut up”, then he kissed him.  
  


The man kept smiling against Whizzer’s lips before their tongues were invited to the party. It felt real nice but Whizzer wanted more. The man seemed to be never close enough. So he put his arm on Nicolas’s back to snuggle up to him. But he was still dissatisfied.

So he left the man’s lips to let his own wander onthe man’s neck. But Nicolas still did not react as much as he wanted him to.

So he slipped his hands under Nicolas’s shirt and started to fondle his back. Nicolas startled and bit his lips before he turned Whizzer down.

“Whizz, you’re drunk, it’s not against you, but we’re not doing this”, he said.

Whizzer stopped and looked at him with a pout.

“But I want youuu”, he replied with a whining but not as sexy voice as he wanted it to be.  
“The fact is: me too, but you’re wasted so no, I don’t want you to regret anything tomorrow morning.”  
“But it’s already the morning”, groaned Whizzer, trying to taunt him with his hand on his back.  
“I’m not listening to you”, said Nicolas, stopping the hand. “You’re just gonna sleep here and that’s all, you have to rest.”  
“But it’s too loud”, he replied with the same whining voice.

Nicolas sighed: “Okay you’re right".  
  


Whizzer looked at him without saying anything. He was too frustrated and maybe, indeed, too tipsy to reply something. He was mad at himself for being in that state and at Nicolas for being too reasonable. He might find that cute the following day but it was currently pissing him off.  
  


“I’m taking you home, you’re too drunk to go back on your own”, Nicolas said after thinking it through.  
“I’m not that druuunk”, Whizzer tried a last time.  
“Your voice is betraying you”, replied Nicolas at once.  
“Don’t act with me like I’m a child.”  
“You sure talk like one.”

  
Nicolas sighed again in front of Whizzer’s frowned face.

“Come on, follow me”, he said softly.

Nicolas showed his hand to Whizzer who reluctantly took it, and they left after Nicolas had taken a jacket. They went through the crowded rooms and still dancing people. They finally got out of the apartment then out of the building, after Nicolas had managed to make Whizzer go down the stairs as he had suddenly become very sleepy. Nicolas was supporting him so he could walk to the sidewalk and there Nicolas waited for a cab to come.

Whizzer had the time to yawn five times and to complain about Nicolas being a _horny mood killer_ before a taxi arrived. Nicolas called it and they got in.

He stammered his home address which Nicolas repeated to the taxi driver before Whizzer fell asleep.  
  
  


He woke up as Nicolas was gently poking his arm. He felt like he had just closed his eyes but it seemed that they had arrived at his place. He managed to get out of the taxi and said a very drowsy “Goodbye” to the driver before he was led by Nicolas to the door of his building. There he tried to find his keys but, as he could not, Nicolas helped him. He thought he heard him say: “You’re lucky you’re cute when you’re like this”, but he was not sure if it was Nicolas speaking or his fantasies.

He managed to climb the stairs to his apartment at the third floor. Nicolas opened the door for him and turn on the light. It harassed Whizzer’s eyes who groaned.

“Drama queen”, whispered Nicolas.  
“Asshole”, Whizzer managed to mutter back, making the man laugh.

Whizzer quickly smiled before being led to his bed by Nicolas. He finally sat down there then lied down. Nicolas got him up by the wrist.

“Sorry Whizz, but you’d better take your clothes off.”  
“So strip me”, he grinned sassily.  
“In your dreams.”  
“You’re not funny.”

Nevertheless he took off his pants, his shirt and finally just kept his boxers on, before quickly wrapping himself in the sheets. He closed his eyes, briefly thinking that for sure, being in warm sheets after that kind of night and party was the best feeling ever.

  
He opened h is eyes again when he heard Nicolas heading for the door. He raised his head and asked: “Where are you going?”.  
“I’m going back to my room”, Nicolas replied.  
“Can you sleep here tonight?”

  
Before Nicolas’s silence, he added: “Nothing’s gonna happen, relax. I just want you to sleep here”.

He wanted heat. He wanted a presence. At least he could have that, instead of having more.

  
He smiled when he heard Nicolas sighed and said: “Okay, as you wish”. Whizzer then lied down and closed his eyes again and almost instantly fell into sleep.

  
  
The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that it seemed to be already late in the morning as his apartment was illuminated by a warm yellow sunlight. The second was that it looked very pretty on the man’s back he was facing. The third was that the back belonged to Nicolas, according to the man’s shaved head. The fourth was that he was currently holding the man from behind. The fifth was that his head might explode at any moment.

He sighed, not even willing to play back the scenes of the evening in his mind. He slowly took off his arm not to wake up Nicolas.

He managed to and got up as cautiously as he could. He went to his small bathroom and there, took quickly an aspirin with a glass of water. He breathed profoundly before holding his face in his hands. His head was really making him regret everything he had done while he could not still remember what exactly.

He just briefly reminded himself saying to Nicolas: “I’m never drunk”, and chuckled. That was the worst lie ever. Why the fuck had he said that ? It was a bit pathetic.

And why was Nicolas in his bed ? He could not remember that. He shrugged. He would after some damn sleep, for sure.

  
So he went back to his bed and fell asleep real quick once more – a bit further to Nicolas that time.

  
  
A nice sensation on his shoulder woke him up. It took him a moment to realize it was delicate kisses.

He opened his eyes, still dozy, and heard a soft : “Hey” from behind him. He slowly turned around and found himself facing Nicolas with the softest face he had ever seen on the man.

“Hey”, he replied, the voice still croaky from sleep.  
With his head resting on his hand, Nicolas asked him : “Are you feeling better ? About your head, I mean”.  
Whizzer nodded quietly.  
“I just want to precise that I’m only in your bed because you asked me to, yesterday”, Nicolas added with a smile.  
Whizzer chuckled: “No problem”.  
  


His brain was working as slow as possible but he actually felt good. His head almost did not hurt anymore but the best he could think so far was that the day seemed beautiful. They stayed quiet for a while as Nicolas was drawing things he was the only one to get on Whizzer’s shoulder, giving time to the latter to progressively awaken. Whizzer thought about getting back to sleep, about getting up, about getting closer to the man near him.

  
His beginning of thoughts w as interrupted by Nicolas’s quiet words coming to his ears: “ You know, I think I’m starting to like you”.  
  


Whizzer froze for a minute, asking himself if he had heard that right. As he looked into Nicolas’s apparently frank eyes, he frowned. He had. And now he guessed he had to answer something. But his head was way too confused to phrase something logical and well thought out.

Did he like him too? Maybe. But was he ready to attest it, to say it out loud like that? Maybe not.  
  


An answer was expected anyway, so, out of confusion, he leaned toward the man and kissed him.  
  


Nicolas’s lips responded to his call and they slowly made out.

There was no rush, no alcohol, no game, no battle. Just attraction and saliva. Nicolas pulled him closer and kissed him again after he had put one of his hands behind his head.  
  


It actually became more than a kiss when Nicolas carefully rolled on top of him. They kept on with kissing while Whizzer’s hands landed on Nicolas’s back. Almost a stranger to the man’s skin, he explored it with his palms, gently rubbing and caressing Nicolas’s back, before the latter almost groaned in his mouth. Whizzer smiled and did not stop his hands.

Nicolas then left his lips to go down on his jawline making Whizzer slightly shiver but the man did not stop there to tease and continued to go down. His lips landed on Whizzer’s chest and made their own sweet way along his torso, from his nipples to his abs. They stopped above his boxers and Nicolas was about to remove them when Whizzer pulled him to him again. He kissed him before muttering: “Not this time, I want _you_ ”.

Nicolas nodded and they got back to kisses which were still soft despite their common growing desire. Whizzer took off Nicolas’s shirt and threw it away before his hands went to the man’s chest. He let them wander on it before he slid them back on his back, adding a little bit of nails on the way. Nicolas groaned again and instinctively pressed himself against Whizzer. They both moaned as their boners met.

Whizzer took one of his arm out of the bed to take a bottle of lube in the little closet next to his bed. Nicolas lifted himself so he could move more easily.

“Please don’t stop what you were doing for me”, said Whizzer with a subtle smile.

So Nicolas obeyed and went back to his neck, kissing it more lightly than he had done previous times. There was something about that new softness that made Whizzer smooth even more. He really appreciated it and when he went back to his former position after he had finally grabbed the bottle, he smiled to the man and ran a hand in his sadly still-not-hair before kissing him again.

“What do you prefer, should I do it or- ?”, Nicolas asked quietly after he had pulled away.  
“Please.”

Nicolas took the bottle handed by Whizzer and locking eyes with him, he slowly took off Whizzer’s boxers, revealing his erection. While Nicolas was putting lube on his fingers, Whizzer settled himself more comfortably against the pillows.  
  


He promptly put his arms around Nicolas when he felt two fingers approaching his hole. Nicolas entered one cautiously. Whizzer breathed heavily but nodded to Nicolas to make clear that it was okay. Nicolas started small thrusts with his finger and kissed Whizzer’s torso again to help him relax. The latter smoothed in the kisses and Nicolas added another finger making Whizzer whine softly.

Whizzer knew all those sensations well but could not get used to them. The growing fog in his mind. The delicious tickle permeating his whole body. The call for more.

Without noticing it, he did spread his legs more.  
  


After stretching him enough, Nicolas added a third finger and said: “You’re doing great”, gently praising him. Whizzer smiled to him and, distinguishing Nicolas’s boner before the man’s mouth went back to his stomach, he started to pant a bit.

Soon after, Whizzer ran his fingers on Nicolas’s head to make him understand that he did not want or need to wait more. Nicolas caught the hint and removed his fingers making Whizzer sigh because of the sudden emptiness.

Then, helped by Whizzer’s hurried hands, Nicolas removed his boxers and prepared himself. Whizzer pulled him close and he whined in his ear when Nicolas slowly pushed in.

It felt painfully good having him inside of him.  
  


Nicolas pulled away to push again and Whizzer found himself moaning because of the sharp contrast between his presence and his absence in him.

“Whizz, _bordel-_ ”, he heard Nicolas grunt. Whizzer did not get what the man was saying – he assumed it was French and it surprinsignly lighted up something new down his chest.

He put his hands behind Nicolas’s head before kissing him deeply. They made out and Whizzer closed his eyes, lost in what he was feeling and where he was feeling it.  
  


Nicolas then stopped them a minute to look at him and say: “You’re so damn pretty”, before he thrusted and kissed him again. Whizzer had not felt so genuinely desired for a long time.

He was used to men a bit rougher and liked it that way. Nevertheless, the current difference was pleasing him. He did not even feel crushed under Nicolas’s weight, it was like his arms were a cocoon, a warm cover under the white sheets.  
  


The man suddenly changed his angle and began to hit his prostate making Whizzer moan more loudly, closing his eyes, opening his legs even more, pulling Nicolas closer, shoving the man’s head in the crook of his neck.

Whizzer then started to use the hands he had put on Nicolas’s back and fondle it again. Nicolas’s moans soon came to join his, between the kisses the man was administering to his neck. Hearing him react that way aroused even more Whizzer and he felt that they were both not far from the desired edge.

So Whizzer made a move of his hand towards his crotch but Nicolas stopped it before he could touch it. Then the man to rub it with one hand and Whizzer began to definitely lose his sanity. He felt he was so damn near and it was hearing Nicolas coming with his name on his lips that made him reach heights.  
  


They stayed still and hugging before Nicolas removed himself and Whizzer took a tissue next to his bed to clean themselves the best as they could.

Then they laid there for a while in silent. Whizzer did not feel the need or the urge to speak and he guessed Nicolas did not neither. It was one of those intimate but comfortable silence, baked of recent memories.

Whizzer actually could not really think of something precise. He was in a sort of awe. A pure and soft awe. It had been very tender, way more than previously and really not like a hook up. A tenderness he had not wished to know with him the previous evening or anytime with somebody else, but a tenderness he had liked a lot.  
  


All of that had confused his still a bit dozy mind. A lot. He really needed a shower.

He was about to say it to Nicolas but he discovered the man had fallen asleep again. He smiled and enter the bathroom.  
  


He thought about taking a warm shower. So he could stay in that same comfortable and pleasant trance he had fell into. The morning had already felt like a warm shower as he had been under the sheets, as he had been under Nicolas.

But he finally chose differently. So he could get his ideas together, so he could cool down.  
  


The cold water flowed on him and ended to wake him up as it cleaned him.

Okay, this had really been nice. The evening as the morning. Really nice. But what about now? _A long hook up_ , really ? How the hell was he about to last ten months without getting too attached if he was already starting to ?

Because of course he was, despite his strong denial. The man kept disarming him.

He knew it would be better to stop now. But he actually did not want to. He already had the chance to do so. At the restaurant, even sooner. But he still did not want to.

He just had to keep control. Control was the key word. With that in mind, maybe they could make it happen and keep going like that. It would be too bad to not let this happen again, after all.

But how to keep control when everything screamed to let go ?  
  


When he got out of the shower, he dried then put a robe on and left the room, his hair still wet. He met Nicolas who was stretching, sat on the bed.

“Hey”, he said.  
“Hey”, Nicolas replied with a smile, leering at him.  
  


Whizzer made him get up so he could take off the sheets and change them. Then Nicolas searched for his shirt and put it back on. As he was searching for his other clothes, Whizzer asked him: “You’re leaving ?”, with, despite him, a bit of selfish hope in his voice. Maybe he had not to make the annoying choice, maybe the man had done it for him.

“Yeah, I have to go – to prove to Peter and his family that I have not been kidnapped by a stranger and everything”, replied playfully Nicolas.

Whizzer laughed briefly as he got out of the closet new sheets. Okay, the man kept joking. Whizzer was clearly not sure that they were on the same page.  
  


Thus, there was a silence as Nicolas put his pants back on and as Whizzer was picking up his own clothes he had thrown away during the following night and the morning.

He kept thinking that he had to make things clear - or clearer at least. Otherwise it was going to be even worse for him than it already was.  
  


“You know- I don’t know when we could see each other, I have to work all week and-” he started.  
“I see”, Nicolas cut him off.  
In front of his hurt face, Whizzer said at once : “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you again”.

And the worst was that it was true. It was not to make Nicolas feel better or to make things easy to him. It was freaking true. They did not have to see each other everyday. But they did not have to stop seeing each other neither. What kept them from doing it from time to time ? That was a way to keep control, after all.  
  


“But maybe not now- come back in two weeks, I don’t know ?”, he heard himself add.  
“I hope you’re not- _m_ _erde_ , how do you say- well, fooling me right now ? ”, r eplied Nicolas frowning.  
“ You’ll see”, he grinned, t rying to sound way more assured than he really was.  
  


Nicolas stared at him and Whizzer tried not to blush under a green gaze he was still not used to.

“Can I kiss you goodbye at least?”, asked quietly Nicolas.  
“Let me think about it”, Whizzer replied, playfully.

Then he kissed him.  
  


Whizzer was the one to pull away, still smiling, and he took Nicolas’s hand to led him to the door. Nicolas opened it and resting his body on the frame he asked, unsure: “In two weeks, then ?”.  
Whizzer nodded with a little smile.  
“It means- a Saturday evening?”, asked again Nicolas.  
“Perfect”, replied quickly Whizzer.  
“Okay- well- bye”, Nicolas said, still a bit unsecured.  
“Bye.”  
  


Whizzer directly went to his bed after he had closed the door and just laid down on it. Okay, that was a shitty deal. He knew it. But so much could happen in ten months.

After all, he had the right to feel loved, to be liked for a bit. It felt so nice, it could not be so bad. And the fact was that Whizzer could not resist to the appeal of being desired.

So he decided to go for it even if his future self had to hate him.

  
He thought the night through. Nicolas waiting for him in front of the fancy building. Them dancing. Them laughing. Them kissing. Rosie winking at him. Teddy stepping away from him.

He lost the smile that had begun to grow on his face.

He sighed. He had to make up with Teddy. He had forgot about it but of course he had to.

He knew inside of him that it was a bit selfish, in a way, because he wanted to tell Teddy everything that had happened. Even more than before. But he also genuinely missed the boy. He missed the time when he was not working everyday and still had time to phone him everyday.

He knew they had lost that but he refused to lost more. He did not want to lose him. He did not want to be alone. He was truly nothing without his friends. Just a ludicrously petty clerk.  
  


He composed Teddy’s number, a bit stressful. He did not know how he was about to be received.

Somebody picked up the phone.

“Hi”, he said with the least trembling voice he could get out of his chest.  
“Who is it ?”, asked Teddy's voice.  
"Whizz...er”, he corrected himself as a precaution.

He heard Teddy huff.

“Teddy, listen, if you’re mad at me, just know that I’m really sorry to have not told you and Rose about the party, especially after all of those you have got me invited to. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I wasn’t ready to tell you what happened with Nicolas because it would have meant that I had to explain what it is, so I preferred to keep it for me, but it was stupid- and a bit selfish too and-”  
“You’d better not forget us again for a man”, Teddy cut him off as he was rambling on.  
“Never”, replied Whizzer at once.

He heard Teddy sigh or laugh - he could not say - at the order side of the line.

“Don’t worry, Whizz, I forgive you.”

Whizzer started to breathe again. He was so glad that making up with Teddy was as easy as being friend with him. Things between them just happened simply. And he did not want to lost that.

“I get what you mean”, Teddy added. “I don’t know why I was upset in the first place. I mean- I guess I feared, and Rosie too, that you were gonna let us down because you had found new cool people to hang around with, I kinda freaked out."

Whizzer was about to reply, a bit moved by the man’s words as Teddy was easy to talk to but had more trouble to confide this way, but before he could say anything, Teddy continued: “But now you’d better tell me everything about that infamous man who is stealing you to your friends”.

Whizzer smiled when he heard those words then replied,after a moment: “Ted, I’m just fucking lost-”.


	5. Chapter 5

Control, yes, that was what Whizzer was supposed to keep in mind.

And that was what Whizzer quickly forgot about in front of Nicolas two weeks later.  
  


Teddy had agreed that Whizzer had to keep a hold on the situation. It had to stay what it was in the first place. But Nicolas’s lips did what they had to do – on his own lips, on his body, on his neck.

And he found himself the following morning smiling – he wanted to smirk but he was just smiling, he knew it – at the hickeys he had collected in the nape of his neck. It was not only because they were hot memories of the evening, he knew deep inside of him that it was also because he was glad to have a mark of Nicolas on him.  
  


Later, he forgot again about control and was quick to nod when Nicolas offered to meet again during the week.  
  


Again and again.  
  
  


At first, the two men only met at Whizzer’s apartment because, after all, his bed was supposed to be the center of their relationship. But as time went, they met more often in other places in order to spend more time together – in front of Whizzer’s work, at the restaurant, even in a park, once, where they had spent the afternoon talking on a bench.

That day had actually been the one when Whizzer had had to admit to himself that maybe that thing between them was – obviously – more than a hook up. What he knew for a long time but had not the courage to concede.  
  


He kept fighting against that idea nevertheless. He knew Nicolas wanted more and, in a way, still not completely admitting it enabled him to keep the slightest control on the other man. But he knew he was fooling himself, he was even annoying himself, not knowing what he truly wanted.  
  
  


The fact was that, every time, despite everything he had wanted to keep in mind, he had agreed to see the other man again and even had been the one offering it sometimes.

The two men went to parties again – the best way to meet, even if they often left before the end, together.

Then, summer ended and the number of parties decreased as for most of those who had been throwing them holidays ended, at Whizzer’s relief, who was starting to grow tired of parties. But they did not stop seeing each other.  
  
  


Nicolas had started his economics courses but as soon as he finished one, he came and rang at Whizzer’s apartment. Or they planned meetings. But they met more and more often at Whizzer’s apartment because it was easier for everyone.

Yet, Whizzer’s flat was small, with only two rooms : a big one and a bathroom. His bed throned at the center of the first room, surrounded by the kitchen and table to the left and the bathroom door to the right, while a sofa was near the windows. But it was big enough for two. And it was all the better because Nicolas often ended by sleeping with him, leaving in the morning when Whizzer was leaving for his work. They did not really live together, Whizzer wanted to think – they were just spending a huge amount of time together.  
  
  


Watching Nicolas studying his economics lessons was still making him laugh a lot. Except the times the man had asked him about vocabulary. He had felt his brains exploding a few times as he had tried to explain their meanings. However, those sessions often ended up with one tickling the other or more  
  


One day when tickling did stay tickling, Whizzer tried to avoid that delicious pain of being tickled more by Nicolas with questions on his classes. Indeed, Whizzer was the most sensitive to tickling, so it was always quite an unfair fight. It was hard to think when he was dodging his attacks but he managed to ask: “How are your teachers?”, as he grabbed Nicolas’s arms to protect himself. “You never talk about them.”  
“They’re okay, I guess. Quite old actually”, replied Nicolas quickly before he freed his arm and tickled him again.  
"Wait", Whizzer shouted, reversed on the bed, his voice mixed in a laugh.

He stilled for a time, an idea coming to his mind.

“Wait a minute- speaking about age, I never realized- why are you still studying anyway? Aren’t you like 25?”  
“I am but I’m trying my best to resist my dad’s will so I have been the worst child and student ever”, answered Nicolas with a grin.  
“How is that?”  
“Well, my parents let me do what I wanted for a time, so friends and I did a lot of shit. Still, one day, we created a sort of newspaper and we were so excited about it. But it was not really a success or anything to boast about to my dad. Then, two years ago, my older brother left my dad’s bank to work for the management of the factory of his father-in-law. So my dad returned his attention to me and made me start ‘real studies’ - his words. Saying that I had lost enough time in my life and nicely comparing me to my brother.”  
“You had never talked about your brother before”, Whizzer quietly noticed.  
“It’s complicate. We were close when we were children, but now we only see each other at family meetings. At least when I come”, said Nicolas.

Whizzer nodded, understanding.

They had both tried to escape from their parents but at the same time they had had such different lives. Nicolas had had quite a privileged life, and yet Whizzer could not help but sympathize.

He also could not help but think that they had so little in common. He did not understand how they could have met one day. How had they landed there, together?  
  


Nicolas stopped what Whizzer was thinking by tickling him again.

“Nicolas, stop”, he shouted in a laugh.  
“No, you still don’t know how to pronounce my name”, replied Nicolas and tickled him more.  
“I do, I do!"

Nicolas did not stop and he found himself laughing and whining a long “Stop”, before Nicolas hugged him.  
  


They stayed quiet for a time before Whizzer said: “I totally should call you 'Nick'. For Nicolas”.  
“Oh no, please don’t”, he said laughing.  
“Why?”  
“It’s the worst.”  
“But why?”, Whizzer complained.

Nicolas sighed before he answered: “It sounds like a French word and it’s the worst – well, it’s like- it means ‘fuck’ but in an awful way, it just sounds terrible”, before he chuckled.

Whizzer pouted, not convinced by his answer. He was actually proud of his idea.

“Sorry, you have to find me a new nickname”, Nicolas added.  
“I feel like I have given you hundreds since this summer.”  
“And what’s the official one, then ?”  
“I don’t know”, Whizzer answered. “What do you prefer ?”  
“Still a fan of ‘rich kid’ actually”, Nicolas replied.  
“But you are the worst at nicknames so I’m not listening to you”, Whizzer said without missing a beat.  
“That’s my time to pout.”  
“Please do, it still does not work on me.”  
  
  


September went and left, and Nicolas grew up as a part of Whizzer’s everyday life.

Hence, one day of late October, Whizzer went back to his apartment, even more tired than usual and lied down, head in the mattress. As he was almost falling asleep, he heard somebody knock at the door.

He grunted and got up.

He opened the door, discovering Nicolas grinning. Despite his tiredness, it made him smile too.

“Hey”, said Nicolas, not losing his smile and stepping in.  
“Hey”, chuckled Whizzer.

Then he closed the door behind the man and like a zombie started to head towards the sofa.

“You’re okay?”, Nicolas stopped him, slipping an arm on his hips.  
“I’m whacked”, whined Whizzer.  
“Your boss?”  
“A bigger ass than usual, I don’t even know how it’s possible.”

Nicolas nodded and started rubbing his back with his other arm.

“Who opened to you?” asked Whizzer to the man behind him.  
“A nice little old lady.”  
“Cool, I would'nt have had the strength to go down the stairs”, he sighed.  
“I’m hurt”, replied Nicolas playfully, letting Whizzer go.

Whizzer slightly smiled before he went to sit on the sofa.  
  


Nicolas followed him and let himself down on it next to Whizzer. He smiled seeing the latter, the head on the back of the sofa, looking at the ceiling with tired eyes. Nicolas got closer and caressing Whizzer’s arm with one of his fingers, he said: “Well, you wanna know something funny?”.

Whizzer nodded without looking at the man, still focused on the ceiling and its fissures.

“My dad managed to have me on the phone. Well, it’s more like he trapped me.”  
“Oh, shit”, Whizzer quickly answered, finally looking at him with now concerned eyes.  
“Yup – we talked and everything. The good point is that now I’m freed from him for at least a month – he won’t bother calling more often.”

Nicolas slowly slipped a hand under Whizzer’s shirt to fondle his torso.

“What did you talk about?”, the latter asked, softly smiling at the touch.

Nicolas tugged him closer before answering: “To know how were going my classes. Mostly. The man likes to remind me why I am here, I guess”.

Nicolas leaned and began to kiss the skin above Whizzer’s collar, soon pressing his body against Whizzer’s.

Whizzer chuckled at the contact and looking at him, with his eyebrows playfully raised, he asked: “And it’s your dad that turned you on like that? Should I be worried about some daddy issues of yours?”  
“Shut up, I just missed you”, replied Nicolas with a small laugh before he got even closer to him and kissed him.  
  


Their lips were familiar with each other now. They fitted perfectly.

More generally, the two men were familiar to each other and they knew how to pull each other’s strings. So Nicolas knew how to make Whizzer weak with his tongue, before he moved him on the length of the couch. He straddled him, then took off his jacket.

They kissed again before Nicolas got back to his neck. Whizzer closed his eyes and put his head backwards, resting it on the side of the arm of the couch.

“I hold you, baby, just relax.”

Whizzer smiled and let himself go while Nicolas was alternating kissed on his torso and soft praises.

“Relax, _relax_ , _détends-toi. Je suis là. Et tu es beau._ _J’ai pas les mots en anglais pour te dire à quel point tu l'es. Ni en français d’ailleurs peut-être-_ ”  
  


Whizzer slowly opened his eyes. He had really been about to relax but it seemed that hearing the man speaking French was just getting him aroused. He had already heard him say something like ' _Tu es beau_ ', but that was another level.

Thus, he held Nicolas’ head, stopping him, before he pulled him into a rougher kiss than before.  
  


“Um, I see someone’s hard now”, Nicolas said after, with a huge grin.  
“Shut up or keep speaking French”, Whizzer replied.

Nicolas looked at him, an eyebrow raised, then he grinned again and closed Whizzer’s eyes again with kisses on them.

“ _S_ _i ça t’excite_ ”, he chuckled. “ _Tu es beau. Peut-être que je ne t’aime que parce que tu es beau. Je serai_ _s_ _excusable, tu l’es tellement. Je pourrais le répéter en boucle. On dirait un ange – mon ange – ou un dieu grec._ _Mon ange, mon ange-_ ”

Nicolas kept kissing the top of his body while speaking, then he stopped talking and he took off Whizzer’s pants slowly, accompanying them of kisses along Whizzer’s legs. After he had done so, the man went back up, that time more aiming at the inside of his legs, making him seriously shiver.

Whizzer’s boxers were beginning to feel way too tight to him and Nicolas smiled when he managed to get a moan out of Whizzer after mouthing his dick through the textile.  
  


When Nicolas stopped doing so, Whizzer out of instinct threw his hands to the man's head to keep it where it was, near from what demanded to be satisfied. Nicolas continued therefore what he was doing and Whizzer’s fingers clung to Nicolas growing hair. He moaned again as the sensation of Nicolas mouth was divine but just not enough. He lightly pulled Nicolas’ blond hair when the latter started to lick his crotch through the fabric.

He hear himself say in a very low voice: “Just fucking take them off already”.

Nicolas smiled but replied: “Not here, come on the bed”.  
  


When he saw Whizzer opening an eye, flushed and a bit of a mess, he chuckled and said: “Okay, let me carry you”.

Thus he tried to hold Whizzer to the bed and he almost managed to, tripping just before. Whizzer eventually fell on the bed, laughing. It was messier than he had thought, messier than in movies, but it was sweet.  
  


Nicolas climbed on the bed, then straddled him before he asked him softly :“Now, tell me what you want”.

“Take them off, please”, Whizzer repeated in a sigh.

Nicolas smiled and slowly did as he was told. He laughed when he heard a small ironical 'Thanks' coming from Whizzer. He was looking again at the ceiling, waiting for what he knew was happening _._

But as it did not happen, he looked at Nicolas, baffled, and he saw that the man was just devouring him with lustful eyes. So he smiled and closed his own eyes, waiting for his tender attacks.

He felt so desired. He felt so secured. He felt so good. He would have wanted the world to stop there, with him hard and a guy about to take care of it. But not any guy – in a way, he would have not wanted him to be somebody else. He actually needed Nicolas more than any form of impersonal bliss.  
  


Nicolas went back to his now exposed crotch and Whizzer lost his trail of thoughts.  
  
  


As they were lying down, after what Whizzer admitted to be a very nice ending for a horrible day, he asked: “What did you say in French?”.  
“I said you look like a Greek god or like an angel”, Nicolas replied with a smile.

Whizzer blushed then turned to him and said: “You’re actually the Greek god, you look like Apollo, now”, running a hand through Nicolas’s starting-to-be curly hair.  
  


After a new silence, Nicolas said: “My dad also wanted to have me on the phone because it’s my birthday”.  
“You’re serious? You should have told me – we could have thrown a little something”, Whizzer complained as he lifted himself up.  
“I thought you said no more parties”, replied Nicolas with a smile.  
“I did but-”  
“Don’t worry, I hate that day of the year”, Nicolas interrupted him.  
“We could have done something just the two of us at least”, Whizzer insisted.

Well, he did not expect himself to say 'just the two of us' like that, but it was too late. He tried not to freak out thinking about it.

“Isn’t it what we did?”, smirked Nicolas, without taking into account Whizzer’s panic.  
“I guess so-”

They chuckled, then Whizzer stood up, a bit relaxed.

“But now I’m going to the baker’s to get us a cake or something before it closes”, he said.  
“You don’t have to – you’re tired”, Nicolas said as he tried to stop him by the wrist.  
“But maybe I want to”, replied Whizzer at once.  
“You do?”, Nicolas asked, with an indescribable look in the eyes.  
“Yes, daddy”, Whizzer answered with an exaggerated wink.  
“Oh my God, please never say that again”, Nicolas replied, hiding his eyes with his hands.

Whizzer laughed and was quickly followed by Nicolas.  
  


It was easy being with Nicolas. He had fitted in his life more easily than he could have imagined. Yet, everything was clearly not just sexual between them, now. And he had discovered that he did not hate that idea so much.

The fact was that even being cheesy with Nicolas felt easy - what Whizzer did not think would happen to him one day. Like everyone, he had always despised that kind of excessively silly behaviors. But now he almost craved for them. He liked to see Nicolas act that way and he liked to act that way himself.

Nicolas stayed the most at ease with the situation, nevertheless. Everything seemed simple to him and to make sense. It was like Whizzer had only to follow him and his way to behave. And it felt so good that Whizzer did that way. Not regretting a thing.  
  


Thus, one day of later November, Whizzer was calmly picking up clothes they had left behind them and around the bed, while Nicolas was in the bathroom, about to leave.

Whizzer eventually put the clothes on the bed and he was about to turn around when he felt arms hugging from behind. He smiled and smoothed in them. He had to admit that he loved when Nicolas did that. He turned his head to see the man behind him and frowned. The man was not looking at him and had a rather puzzled face.

Nicolas, after a time, said, very seriously: “Promise me you’re gonna fold these”.

Whizzer laughed, surprised and relieved, looking back at the pile of clothes: “Oh my god, you’re a folding freak”.  
“Um, maybe I am indeed”, Nicolas said in an embarrassed laugh.  
“But what do you want ? I can’t be perfect, I guess”, he added with a smirk.

Whizzer chuckled while Nicolas put his chin on his shoulder, hugging him a little bit closer.

“Are you not supposed to leave ?”, Whizzer asked.  
“Not before kissing you again”, Nicolas replied at once.

That was appallingly cheesy, he knew it. A few months or even weeks before, he would have snapped, but no, Whizzer only turned around to face the man and smiled to him before he kissed him.  
  


The fact was they were totally acting like a couple.

However, they did not call themselves a couple and they did not make declarations of love or anything, since Nicolas’s, that day after the party. It was easier that way.

Yet, they felt like they were a couple most of the time, without telling it. Whizzer did, at least. And he was fine with it. He tried not to ask himself what he was precisely feeling. It was easier that way.

He tried not to wonder too much about how he preferred his apartment with Nicolas in it or how people were getting used to seeing them always together.

Once, Nicolas and he had done a small gathering with his friends in a bar and it had been great. Whizzer had felt so happy, there, with all of those people around him.

They had not done it again since that time but they should, actually.  
  


Whizzer could admit he was happy. Nicolas was a sweet bonus to his life. That was all and that was great.  
  


And next Summer was still so far away.


	6. Chapter 6

“What should I wear ?”  
“I don’t think they care much about how you dress.”  
“You’re not helping.”  
“Whizz, relax, you can dress casual.”  
“But I don’t know those people and it’s New Year’s Eve, I’m not just gonna dress ‘casual’”, Whizzer complained.  
“You know several of them, you know”, Nicolas replied. “And why do you even worry? You look handsome in everything anyway.”  
“Well- thanks, but that’s not a convincing argument.”  
“Wear what you want, I give up”, Nicolas chuckled before he kissed him in the neck.  
  


Whizzer cared a lot about how he dressed. He knew he was pretty but he liked to look even prettier. He knew his looks made people love him, he knew a good shirt could seal the deal so it was something he had always taken care of.  
  


The fact was they had been invited to Pamela’s apartment for New Year’s Eve. It was just a party but it had already been quite tough for Whizzer, so he did not want to fail his outfit besides.

The whole thing had started when, one day, as they sat on the couch, reading, Nicolas had announced: “We’ve been invited to Pamela’s place for the 31 st ”.

“ ‘We’ ?”  
“Yeah, she spoke of you”, Nicolas had confirmed.

Whizzer had frozen. He had not thought about New Year’s Eve so far. He had had not to because for several years he had thrown a party with his friends on the 31stand it had ceased to be a matter of importance. Consequently, he had not even thought about doing it with Nicolas or not, it had never crossed his mind.

But now that it had, he had realized that it would be the only time he could celebrate a new year with the man. And he had felt distraught. The next summer would seem so close and so realafter the 31st.  
  


Nicolas had put an end at his worry as he had asked him: “Whizz? Tell me – what do you think?”.

Whizzer had turned to Nicolas who had been looking at him, expectantly.

“You’re sure people want us to be there ? Together, I mean”, Whizzer had replied.

He had been used to be seen together during their summer parties but now that they seemed far, he had feared again that it might be an issue.

“That’s another question”, Nicolas had said, his look clouding.  
  


“There will be people you and I know but also others I know to be jerks and others I don’t know”, Nicolas had added after a silence. “So we should better act- you know- differently than here.”  
“Then why should we go? I don’t want to spend the 31st craving for you to touch me”, Whizzer had complained.

What was the point of celebrating if he could not do it as he wanted to?

“Because you would?”, Nicolas had teased.  
“Nicolas.”  
“Well, it’s just that I pledged to Pamela that I’d go since the beginning of falls.”  
“I see”, Whizzer had sighed.

He had ensconced himself into the couch and had dramatically put a pillow on his head to think. He had been torn in two – if he did not want to act straight for hours, he truly wanted to be with Nicolas.  
  


“But you don’t have to come, if you don’t want to, I would get it”, Whizzer had heard Nicolas say through the pillow.  
“I do, I do”, he had quickly replied, pushing the pillow away and meeting Nicolas’s rather anxious eyes. “I mean, it’s-”

He had stopped himself before saying ‘it’s the only New Year’s Eve we could ever share’. It was the unsolvable truth but he had thought they were both not quite ready to hear it. Thus, he had smiled to Nicolas.

He had in fact already made his choice. After all, it was the last time they would be able to spend that important day together so why should he hesitate? A frustrating New Year’s Eve with Nicolas was better than no New Year’s Eve at all.  
  


“It’s gonna be hard, isn’t it ?”, Whizzer had smirked, looking lovingly at the man facing him.  
“Terribly”, Nicolas had smiled back before he had kissed him.  
“Seriously, why does the world suck?”, Whizzer had asked after they had pulled away, making Nicolas snort.  
  
  


A few days later, the subject had been put again on the table as Nicolas, while they were cooking, had blurted out: “Please tell me you had nothing planned”.

“For?”, Whizzer asked, taken aback.  
“New Year’s Eve.”  
“Well, I kinda had-”  
“Whizz, you-”, Nicolas had started to say hurriedly.  
“But it’s okay, don’t worry”, Whizzer had cooled him down at once. “I’m gonna call them. I do it with them each year so they would be okay with it”.

He guessed, he had not been so sure of it but he had made his choice. Some apprehensions on how they could react had made him postpone his call more than necessary.  
  


Another day, after Nicolas had briefly talked again about the 31 st , before going to the bathroom for a shower, Whizzer had had to admit that it was high time to face the situation. So he had sit down on his bed and picked up the phone. He had composed Teddy’s number, silently praying that the man would not be at home.

The phone had rung twice before somebody had responded: “Hello, Teddy’s speaking!”.

“Hi, it’s Whizzer.”  
“Whizz!”, Teddy had shouted. “Rosie, it’s Whizzer!”

The latter had cringed. Rosie was at Teddy’s place. _Of course_ . The whole thing was going to be even harder – _nice._

“How are you?”, Teddy had genuinely asked. “I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages.”

The fact that it was true had pained Whizzer but he had hid it and said: “Yes, I know, sorry – you know the drill, my boss has definitely lost his mind”.

“I’m not surprised”, Teddy had laughed. “But hey, what are you calling for?”

Whizzer had taken a deep breath before he had blurted out: “Well, it’s about the 31 st ”.

“Yes?”, Whizzer had heard the man say before he had added to Rosie, probably next to him, asking what he had been saying: “It’s about New Year’s Eve”.  
“I- I’m gonna do it with Nicolas, I- think”, Whizzer had stammered.  
“What?”  
“I’ll not be here the 31st?”, Whizzer had hesitantly repeated.  
“Whizzer.”  
“Yes?”  
“Don’t tell me you forgot the costume party.”

Whizzer had closed his eyes and stayed silent.

“Whizz, seriously-”, Teddy had said. “We thought we didn’t see you much lately because you were coming the 31st.”  
“Teddy, I’m sorry-”  
“’Seems that we were wrong”, the man had responded, crossly.

And he had hung up.

Whizzer had felt miserable, alone at the other side of the line. He had forgotten. He was the worst.

They had talked about that party since the beginning of the year. They had wanted to plan a costume party because it had seemed the funniest thing imaginable. They had even planned the costumes they could and would wear. They had stopped to talk about it for a few months and with everything that had happened, it had totally slipped his mind.

Well, Whizzer had felt like the biggest asshole but, on the other hand, his friends had not even heard his reasons. And he had had serious ones.  
  


Nicolas finally left the bathroom while drying his hair. Whizzer, with a wretched face, said to him: “I called them, it’s okay”. Nicolas nodded, happily, without apparently noticing Whizzer’s look and went to the closet to pick some clothes.

Whizzer, a bit hurt, stayed still and got lost in his thoughts.  
  
  


“Hurry up, we’re gonna be late.”

“Relax, we’re only due by midnight, after all”, Whizzer answered to calm Nicolas down.

It was already half past nine and they had not left because Whizzer had wanted to change his outfit again. He wanted not to be too formal but still a bit classy so it had been quite a fuss, but he had now put on a rust-colored shirt and some black pants he really liked.

After looking at himself one last time in the mirror, he grabbed his jacket and joined Nicolas near the door. The man smiled at him and sighed playfully before opening the door.  
  


They walked along streets, talking and joking,their bodies brushing.

Nicolas knew where they were going so Whizzer followed him, but he began to wonder if Nicolas was not the one who actually wanted to be late as he noticed they were rather strolling in the streets.  
  


Nicolas eventually stopped in front of a simple, though impressive building.

Whizzer turned to Nicolas with a searching look and the latter nodded before hesaid: “Yep, it’s here”.

Whizzer thenalso nodded and stepped to the door. Nicolas, following him, opened it and they went up.  
  


Nicolas stopped in front of a blue door at the fourth floor. As he was staying still in front of it, Whizzer glanced at him and met the man’s eyes looking back at him. Nicolas then looked around before he stepped closer to Whizzer and kissed him deeply.

“Before hell”, Nicolas said slightly smiling, after he had pulled away, leaving Whizzer a bit flushed.

He had been used to the idea of not touching Nicolas of the evening but the kiss had reminded him how hard it was going to be. He already missed it, him.  
  


They entered the apartment.

It was smaller than the ones they had been and there were less people but Nicolas immediately waved and shook hands with some they came across as they went through the living room. Whizzer was following him, not really recognizing people’s faces and trying not to gaze fondly at Nicolas’s head preceding him. They ended up in the kitchen part of the room where Nicolas found a chairto put aside and fold his jacket.

Whizzer copied what he did as he was more and more influenced bythat mania of his. Whizzer had always been very attached to his clothes but not to the fact to fold them – so far, at last. What was still baffling to him was that Nicolas was not at all attached to how he dressed, just to the strange fact to fold them.  
  


They were helping themselves drinks when they heard a voice from the right shout: “Nicolaaas, do you know Alan?”. They turned around to see Pamela walking towards them, followed by a fair-haired man.

“He had been two years in France and he speaks French sooo well”, Pamela added, in the same kind of drunk voice.

They were lift with the so-called Alan by Pamela who, with the same energy, went to welcome a tall girl, and Whizzer peered at him. He did not like him, he seemed the most obnoxious man ever, with his smug smile and his blue eyes.

“So, _tu parles français_?”, Nicolas asked smiling to who Whizzer already thought to be a pure asshole.

“ _Un peu, oui_ ”, Alan answered, without losing his exasperating smile.

“Nice.”

Nicolas turned to Whizzer and was about to casually put his arm around his shoulders to introduce him to Alan but he stopped his move before doing so. He then awkwardly put a hand on Whizzer’s shoulder and declared: “This is Whizzer”.

“Hi”, Whizzer said, trying as best as he could not to sound freaking cold.

“Hi”, the man replied, as reluctantly as him, making Whizzer cringe even more.  
  


Fortunately, Nicolas said something about starting to dance and they left the man. _Dance_ , that was what Whizzer needed – as usual. If he had that, he could get through that party, he convinced himself.

At first, as the evening went on, the two men kept dancing with each other even if, even on slow music, they could not get too close.

And it was hard not to get closer. He had been used to dance with Nicolas. So Whizzer looked several times at him with beseeching eyes as he suggestivelyattempted to move closer but he was always rewarded by Nicolas’s moving back.

He knew they could not dance together on a freaking slow. But it sucked.

Yet, he kept trying, testing Nicolas’s limits a bit, and sometimes managed to reach him and to touch him, making them both smile, like the owners of a big secret.  
  


The worst remained when quicker songs came, as Nicolas started to dance more widely and Whizzer could see many eyes on him. He was not upset by those looks, but by the fact that he seemed to be the only one who could not really enjoy the view.  
  
  


Watching Nicolas drifting away from him, Whizzer was looking forward to midnight because he knew above all that they could not leave before.

Thankfully, as they had arrived late, midnight came quickly - after a few drinks and all the popular songs of the month.  
  


As minutes went on, bringing them closer to the infamous moment, groups started to grow, ready to shout together when midnight would come. They budded in every corner of the living room. Even if they had been parted away when they had danced, Whizzer managed to get next to Nicolas. Whizzer did not want to miss that expected and precious moment as it was more or less the reason he had come there, after all.

Nicolas was currently speaking with a blond girl next to him and Whizzer, a bit fuzzy, was looking at him, only looking at him, staring.  
  


The girl eventually went away to join another group as midnight was just around the corner now, and the two men stayed almost alone as the couple who stood next to them was more focused on each other. Whizzer kept on looking at Nicolas who was scrutinizing the room. He looked at the man, more handsome than ever; he thought, with the gleam of the lights in his curly hair, with some stars in his green eyes, with that blush on his cheeks and, like that, almost despite Whizzer’s will, the three words which had wanted to come out for weeks finally crossed his mouth.  
  


“I love you”, he repeated as people were not to hear him anyway, enjoying those new words on the tip of his tongue, excited. Nicolas turned around and looked back at him.  
  


That was the moment when everybody in the room started to yell, but Nicolas just kept looking at him. He finally hugged Whizzer who melted at the contact, and he quickly said ‘Happy new Year’ in Whizzer’s ear.

The latter froze. Had he heard him right?

Nicolas slightly brushed his knuckles on his cheek before he went away and started to shout with everybody. Whizzer stayed where he was, confused. There was fundamentally nothing to be upset about what just happened but he had to admit that it was not the way he had pictured the scene. And he could not help but blame Nicolas for it.

Had he heard him at all? Or did he not understand what those words meant to him?  
  


He shook himself out – it was New Year’s Eve, why was he not already celebrating it? Why was he panicking? Everything was fine. It was not the right place for that kind of declaration, after all, he knew that. Everything was fine.

He got out of his anxious trance and joined the happy group, cheering with people he had never talked to.  
  
  


After the usual enthusiasm, a great quiet came over the room as somebody had previously stopped the music for the celebration. People were now simply talking to each other and Whizzer was quite puzzled about it. There was always a down after the shout of the new year, he had lived it too with his friends each previous year. But it had always been a comforting pause, almost a tradition and it had always gotten up after. While, there, it was more like everyone had suddenly become very serious with the new year and there was something upsetting about it, even if Whizzer could not put his finger on the why.  
  


After he had wished everybody without real originality a happy new year because he had nothing more to say to them, Whizzer searched for Nicolas and spotted him behind the couch. He lost the smile that had grown on his face when he discovered that he was talking to Alan. Nicolas could talk to anyone he wanted to but the fact was that Alan still did not make him feel comfortable. And his hostility increased when he saw the face Alan made as soon as Whizzer stood next to Nicolas.

The latter, oblivious to the tension between the two, smiled when he noticed Whizzer. He grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him close, surprising Whizzer.

“We were speaking French with Alan, it’s _so_ refreshing, it feels _so_ good”, Nicolas declared with a grin.

Whizzer tried not to lose his smile buthis face tensed at Nicolas’s too high liveliness. Was Whizzer really annoyed for not speaking freaking French right now ?

To make matters worse, Alan decided with a grin to get back to speak French: “ _Donc tu vis à Paris_?”.  
“ _J’y habitais, oui –_ I lived in Paris”, Nicolas translated. “ _Où est-ce que tu étais en France, toi_?”  
“ _Paris aussi, la plus belle ville au monde_ ”, Alan answered, without losing his annoying grin.  
“Oh, he thinks that Paris is the most beautiful city in the world”, Nicolas said, after he had turned to Whizzer.  
“Is it?” asked Whizzer with a genuine smile.  
“ _J’ai vécu toute ma vie à Paris_ ”, Nicolas replied to Alan. “ _Mais je ne pense pas que ce soit la plus belle des villes. Je l’aime beaucoup, mais je pense sincèrement qu’il y a mieux. Rien qu’en France, je préfère Strasbourg._ ”  
“ _Je ne connais pas_ ”, Alan answered, interested.

Whizzer looked at Nicolas but he was too focused on what he was about to say to go on with translating.

“ _Si tu as l’occasion un jour, il faudrait. C’est très typique, je dirais, encore plus cliché que Paris. Mais c’est vraiment beau et agréable comme ville. Déjà le Rhin est moins pollué que la Seine._ ”

Whizzer saw Alan frown as he was trying to get what Nicolas was saying.

“ _Où est-ce que c’est, exactement_?”  
“ _Près de la frontière allemande, à l’Est_ ”, replied Nicolas, raising and agitating his right hand.

Whizzer felt so little included that he thought he should better go and meet other people. But he did not want to look defeated to Alan, so he said laughingly: “Well, I leave you to France, tell me when you get back”. He left, blaming himself for such a lousy line.  
  


Well, now, it was time, past the niceties, to actually talk to people, even if he did not know much of them. But, first, he thought that he should help himself a little something so he went to the kitchen and did so.

As he was mincing toasts he had picked upon the way, leaning his elbows on the kitchen counter, he looked at the people gathered in small groups around the room. He wondered who he should go talk to first. They were not his friends yet but there might be nice people out there.

He scanned the room to find friendly and comely faces and that was how he spotted Pamela who was talking to another girl. He smiled and, his drink in hand, got closer to them. Pamela saw him and cheered him, making him laugh and feeling better.

The girl was nice and her friend too so they started talking for a bit. But someone came to inform Pamela of something he whispered in her ear and the two girls had to leave. Whizzer reassured them with a quick smile and looked towards the crowd. Well, now he found himself at square one again.  
  


He decided to approach the closest group to him even if the discussion seemed to have already started.

“What do you do?”, a tall man was asking asked to a red-haired girl.  
“I’m studying law”, she answered, impressing Whizzer as she looked very small but very confident at the same time.  
“Nice, where?”  
“Harvard, I went home for the holidays.”

The girl standing next to Whizzer then turned to him with a warm smile and asked him what he was studying as well.

“I guess I’m just a simple clerk”, he joked genuinely.

He regretted it at once when the girl’s smile twitched and he felt looks on him.

“Oh, cool”, she answered and he understood it was not really.

People kept on with talking about their studies or works but Whizzer just understood even more that he was not about to get included. It seemed that he was surrounded by emblems of what he was not – quite rich, quite learned kids, with a quite well defined future.  
  


He stayed a moment next to that group, without really listening to what people were saying, before he decided to leave them. He should have lied about his work, invented himself a whole life, but he had not realized the gulf between them. He swore to himself to lie the next time the question would be asked and joined a new group, which was mostly composed of young men.

He cringed when he immediately heard words he had already heard too often in Nicolas’s mouth when he was revising his classes. He guessed they were Nicolas’s classmates.

They started to mock a teacher they had and Whizzer chuckled as he knew the man thanks to Nicolas’s own jokes on him. Then, out of nowhere, a brunette man declared, condescendingly: “You’ll never guess what my dad’s secretary told me the other day, I couldn’t believe it. I mean- the audacity-”.

Whizzer could not guess but he knew he did not want to know at all. So he left and felt sicker when he heard bursts of laughter from behind him.  
  


He had cheered with all of those people little time before. When had they become a bunch of assholes? He felt like he had nothing to say to them and they had nothing to say to him apparently, except spitting their contempt in his face.  
  


He made the turn of the room, felt trapped and got back to his kitchen counter, his glass still in his hand. The fact was he did not even want to drink, for it could made him sad. Or sadder. He did not want to drink and to crave more for at least Nicolas’s look on him. The manhad seen him, alone, he knew it, as he had met his eyes just before, but the man had just gone back to his talk with Mr I-speak-French.

A few moments after, Nicolas looked at him again and Whizzer pouted comically towards him but Nicolas just shrugged and turned away.

Whizzer sighed – he felt like he was facing old Nicolas again, unattainable.  
  


He and Nicolas had been to a lot of parties since that time, but often in a bigger crowd and they had mostly avoided people, more focused on themselves.

And Whizzer had foolishly thought it was going to be the same nevertheless tonight. He did not want the man to be always with him but at least to care a bit, especially when he was who got them invited there. But it seemed that apparently, he was the one to dance with and not the one to talk with.  
  


Why had Pamela cropped up with that man? Why was she continuously the one ruining his life by ruining his moments with Nicolas?

He sighed. That was totally unfair. He was becoming some jealous and possessive twat and he did not like it. At all.  
  


The room was starting to get way too hot and stuffy, Whizzer needed some fresh air. He left the counter without looking at Nicolas anymore and went to grab his jacket on the chair. He walked across the room, opened the glass door to the balcony and closed it behind him.

He went to the parapet and leaned his elbows on it.  
  
  


He knew there were parties like that, where you feel left out. He had known some of them and for someone who was used to be at the core of the attention, it always hurt. It was a bit shallow – he knew.  
  


Right now, he wanted to go back to ‘their’ apartment. To be just the two of them again. He had really not missed the parties. He had not missed seeing people. He had been used to being the only thing Nicolas would see. He had forgotten about the world because he did not need it when Nicolas was around.

He was indeed in love with the man in question and he was bitter to discover it that way, that day.  
  


He looked at the streets below, at the buildings in front of him. He could almost hear people shouting their joy.

What had happened? He had always liked New Year’s Eve. It was a celebration, an optimistic date. How had he arrived on that balcony with that black cloud instead of a mind?  
  


That room, behind him - that was not his world. It quickly looked like it – same lights, same music, but it was not. And people were not against the idea to make him get it. He wondered whether people were even taking him seriously. Or if they thought him, for those who knew about their relationship, as Nicolas’s dumb pet.  
  


Anyways, it was not a case of class struggle, it was just that Nicolas had friends there while he did not. And he had let down his own friends for that party.  
  


How could he have forgotten about the costume party?

He knew how, actually.  
  


He thought about leaving the party for his friends’ one. Then he remembered he did not know where it was and that they were probably mad at him. He did not want to make a bigger fool of himself than he already was.

He felt so alone. When every building seemed so crowded.

He almost cried.  
  


But he did not because of that familiar sting of pride he felt in his chest. So he raised his head again and tried to smirk. He did not feel better inside.  
  


What had he become? He was living through a man, thanks to a man.

He had to change that. Midnight was behind them, now - the past year was behind them and the new hadjust started. The countdown had started.

One day, soon, too soon probably, Nicolas would be gone and he would have to live by himself again. Like he had always had. Why did it seem so hard to consider now?  
  
  


That was when he heard the (French) window open. Whizzer did not dare to turn around to see who it was, figuring that it was Nicolas. He was not doing him that favor.  
  


After a moment of quiet, he heard a ‘Hi’ from his left and he finally turned his head to discover someone who was not Nicolas.

“Oh- hi”, he replied to the man.

Then he went back to the landscape he had been facing.

He felt disappointed. It was pathetic but he had hoped for Nicolas to come, to apologize. That way, he could have taken all the time in the world to forgive him or at least made him think that he had not forgiven him at once.

But no, it was only one of his friends. He did not know what his name was but he remembered that Nicolas had waved him when they had arrived at the apartment.

He sighed.  
  


“You want one ?”, he heard.

He looked at the lanky man, a cigarette in his hand, cigarette that he put then in his mouth.

After thinking it through, Whizzer nodded. Maybe it could help him relax.

The man handed one to Whizzer with a smile and the latter scrutinized it.

“It’s your first ?”

He did not have the strength to lie and nodded.

Rose’s mom had had a lung cancer when the girl had been a child, so it had always been a thorny issue. Yet, they had always refused cigarettes wherever they had been without consulting each other since.

  
The man first lighted his cigarette then Whizzer’s. He puffed on his and looked at Whizzer with amusement as the latter did the same.

Whizzer apologized silently in his mind to Rose for what he was doing. He swore it was not about a revenge or anything, just about him being lost.  
  


He laughed, surprised, when he noticed the man looking at him, impressed.

“What ?”  
“I thought everybody almost died on their first cigarette.”

Whizzer realized that he was right. He had always imagined he would have choked or scoffed. He grinned at the man and boasted, jokingly: “I guess I’m just born with flair”.

It was the man’s time to start laughing, before they went back to the urban panorama.  
  


“You just joined the club of the handsomely secret smoking guys”, the mansaid seriously, making Whizzer turning his head towards him again.  
“Is it not a myth?”  
“Don’t I look hotter since I lighted it?”

Whizzer laughed frankly in front of the man’s exaggerated rictus.

“Indeed.”

  
Whizzer was actually disappointed, the cigarette did not really work as he thought it would.Though, he kept talking with the man – who, he learned, was named Anthony – and he appeared to be a real good company. He was the one who actually helped him relax.

He liked him as he seemed to be a part of the group without really fitting in – at least he could spend two minutes without speaking of his impressive studies or his future incredible job.  
  


But he could not like the man more than when he stated, after lighting a second cigarette: “I don’t know why they turned off the music, it sucks”.

Whizzer nodded vigorously and said: “Oh my God, I totally agree – I just want to dance right now”.

“Same.”  
  


“We should turn it on”, Anthony added with mischievous eyes, after a silence.  
“We totally should!”, shouted Whizzer with a huge smile.

They looked at each other with complicity. Then Anthony quickly blew off his cigarette and winked at Whizzer.

“Let’s go, then.”  
  


After they got back in, Whizzer went to put his jacket on its chair and instinctively smiled when he heard the music start, again. He lifted his head, met Anthony’s joyful eyes and they smiled to each other.

As he was walking towards the former dance floor, Whizzer thought anxiously they were going to be the only ones to dance. But there was no reason to fear it, it would be quite funny anyway after all and if it failed, he would have a reason to finally and definitely leave.  
  


The men began to evolve facing each other on the song that was quite dynamic and doing great moves appeared to be quite thrilling and exciting especially after Whizzer’s grim mood.

At the chorus, Whizzer looked around him when he heard voices raise up. He grinned when he saw that the groups had dissolved and that now the majority of people was dancing. He saw Pamela shaking herself and laughed. She was really saving that party.  
  


Through the people dancing, he also saw Nicolas getting closer to him. He seemed to be yet again the man to dance with.

He smiled to Nicolas but kept a distance between them. He had to get more independent after all. And yes, he was a bit pissed at the man.

Nicolas, though, for a time continued to evolve around him but grew tired of that game of hide and seek. He left the so-called dance floor to sit down on a couch at the other side of the room, his eyes on Whizzer.  
  


People were nowfreely dancing, finally gathered again and Whizzer felt like he was getting along with them again, as people were smiling to him, as nothing had happened. He tried not to care.

But he did – he cared about Nicolas pouting on his couch, about those dancers he wished he could impress when the music was turned off, about the rate of sincerity in the smile of Pamela he hoped high.  
  


He tried to get over it, to forget it all.

Nicolas looking away.

The jerk’s dad’s secretary.

His friends’ disappointment.

Anthony’s kindness.

The cold on the balcony.

The cold in people’s eyes.

His jacket on a chair.  
  


But the song came to an end. And he had to open his eyes again.  
  


When he looked out of habit in the direction of Nicolas, he discovered that he was not on the couch anymore. He started to look around when he felt a hand on his back.

He startled and turned round to find Nicolas behind him smiling in an indescribable way. The man leaned and said: “Don’t you want to leave? I’m getting tired”.

Whizzer looked at him without answering. He was still peeved with the man but he was more willing to leave that place so he nodded.

Nicolas nodded back, still smiling, and went to grab their jackets. Whizzer briefly wavedto Anthony, then to Pamela who smiled at him before he took his jacket from Nicolas, before they left the apartment.  
  
  


They went out in the street and Nicolas put at once his arm under Whizzer’s and got closer to him. Whizzer did not really react as he was looking at the night sky between two buildings. He did not know what to think, he did not know what to say. He felt exhausted and just wanted the night to be over.

They walked in silence for a time.  
  


“It was nice but I missed you”, Nicolas eventually said.

Whizzer did not respond, feeling that they were an eternity away from his apartment.

“Alan was so annoying”, Nicolas added after a new silence, with a little laugh.

Whizzer nodded without real conviction. He had mixed feelings about the evening and just did not want to talk about it.

“I like to speak French but the man didn’t want to let me go.”

Nicolas had clearly spent a good part of the evening with Alan, but anyway, he was trying to reach out to Whizzer and it was not working. A bit too obvious. He could swear that criticizing Alan was a way to make up for his behavior during the evening but above all a way to refer to Anthony, without naming him. Whizzer was impressed in a way, he did not know Nicolas could be jealous.  
  


“You danced with Anthony”, Nicolas eventually added.

Okay, the name was out.

“Well, you talked with Alan”, Whizzer replied.  
“And? I said he was a jerk.”  
"I could return you the question.”

Nicolas sighed.

“What? It pisses you off that I danced with somebody else?”, asked Whizzer, angrily.  
“No”, Nicolas answered at once.  
“Then, why are you talking about it ?”  
“Okay, yes- maybe it annoyed me a little, especially when _I_ can’t dance with you”.  
“Then fucking say it already.”  
“Right, right- calm down”, Nicolas sneered.  
“Why should I?”, Whizzer coldly asked, disengaging his arm of Nicolas’s. “You know- while you’re suggesting that I throw myself at every man I meet, at least Anthony talked to me tonight. He improved my evening while you were just out there being a selfish asshole. And I’m starting to lack of excuses to give you.”  
“Whizz-”, Nicolas started to say but Whizzer started to walk hastily without looking back.  
  


He was tired of Nicolas and his little games. He had come to the party only in order to spend time with Nicolas and he had not cared about him during most of it. Nicolas was always the one deciding when they should be close, how they should act while Whizzer was just waiting. It was always Nicolas first, then Whizzer. And he was tired of it. Tired of everything.  
  


“I love you too”, he suddenly heard from behind.

He froze.  
  


Then he slowly turned around, stirred, and saw Nicolas smiling kindly. The man got closer to him and embraced him. Whizzer let him do so. He should have not. He should have gone on with being angry. Why could he not be angry more than two minutes?  
  


Nicolas pulled away and held Whizzer’s head in his cold hands, then captured his lips. Whizzer closed his eyes and lost himself in Nicolas’s kisses while the man was repeating against his mouth: “I love you”.


	7. Chapter 7

On the first morning of the year, Whizzer had waken up next to Nicolas, his head aching from alcohol and his chest aching from remorse. Because of his head, he had not been able to put his finger immediately on the why.

But when he had, he had gotten up, suddenly quickly thinking, and dressed up. Then, he had left the apartment and gone up the street to buy pastries before hurriedly climbing the stairs of another building.

He had taken a small break here, in front of a new door, catching his breath, then knocked at it. It had been already something like three in the afternoon.  
  


Somebody had slowly opened the door, somebody who had happened to be Rose, bleary-eyed. He had smiled feebly to her, showing the pastries as a defense, as an excuse. But, as usual, she had not seemed to be resentful at him and had grown the biggest smile as soon as she had recognized him. She had shouted “Happy New Year, Whizz!” and hugged him, before letting him in.  
  


Teddy had been lying on the couch, as some remains of the evening were still lying on the floor, among which there were confetti, garments and empty bottles.

As the man had turned his head toward them, Whizzer had declared: “Before you can say anything, just know that I’m so sorry and that I have croissants”.

Teddy had snorted before answering: “I don’t want anything French right now”.

“Even delicious croissants from your favorite bakery?”  
  


They had looked at each other, playfully, before Teddy had frankly laughed and said: “Alright, come on. But it’s only because I have a weak spot for croissants”.  


Whizzer, coming closer to hand him one, had said with a loving smile: “Happy New Year, Ted”.

“Yeah, yeah, right- happy New Year, Whizz.”  
  
  


Whizzer had gone back to his apartment later than he had thought. It was already eight on his watch when he checked it as he was opening the door.

It had been so much fun, he was still smiling, thinking of it – he had missed those two dummies. He knew it was his fault, but at the same time it was as he had already lived those moments and known it was going to finish well. How could it not? They were the best of friends – in spite of everything.  
  


He entered the room and said, out of habit, 'hey' before he closed the door behind him. He stilled, surprised as he did not hear a reply, and looked around him. The room was empty and the bathroom open, the lights off – Nicolas was obviously not there. He had probably left in the afternoon, after waking up alone.  
  


Whizzer shrugged – the previous day had been so intense, so strange, even if it had ended well, that he did not know what to think or to want anymore. That night in Nicolas’s arms had been very sweet but it had left him with a bitter taste, despite it all. He knew something was wrong with the way they had been handling their relationship and how it had been going so far.

It was not that he did not love Nicolas, he did, he truly did and had said and repeated it to the man the past night, against his skin. But he had to do something, in order to prevent himself from being too hurt but also in order to make their relationship last. It was for the best. He had to avoid something like New Year’s Eve to happen again.  
  


Thus, as a resolution for the new year, he decided that he definitely should take some distance and get more independent, what he had been all his life.  
  


Full of his resolution, Whizzer, the following days, tried to make it understand to Nicolas without ever explicitly phrasing it. He did not want to hurt him but at the same time did not want to share it with him because he did not want to talk about it. He was the one losing his mind over their relationship so he was the one who should do something about it, in order to make it more sustainable.  
  


He started as soon as the day after he had made his decision when Nicolas went to his apartment, as usual. Whizzer welcomed him but instantly told him that he should leave soon to go shopping, something of the kind. Then he declined Nicolas’s offer as he wanted to come with him.

It was not a big deal but still a first step. It even felt stupid to Whizzer at first but he convinced himself that it was necessary. Thus, he continued to act that way, turning down several offers or making clear to Nicolas that such-and-such a day he would not be there.

Nicolas kind of got it and let him have some distance.  
  


Whizzer spent therefore more time alone at his apartment and it felt good a change. He took time for himself, he took time to read, to take freaking baths, he went shopping, he went to the movies, he did stupid things he had not the time or the will to do for quite a time.  
  


He still felt pity for Nicolas as that sudden distance seemed to hurt him, but it was for the best. And after all, they were still seeing each other regularly. They even enjoyed their time together more – at least Whizzer did. It felt like everything was more intense that way, not buried in the dull everyday life.  
  
  


Though, he was bothered when, one day of early February, Nicolas casually asked him what he wanted to do for his forthcoming birthday. Whizzer cringed as he had already thought about it and had thought doing it with his friends. It seemed fair to him as he had spent New Year’s Eve with the man.

He told it to Nicolas and, before the man could add something, he continued: “I’m sorry I would have proposed you to be there too but you know- since the New Year’s Eve, they’re- I mean, it’ll be easier if you don’t come”.  
“I see”, Nicolas quietly replied.  
“Sorry”, Whizzer started to say before being cut off by Nicolas who reassured him: “Don’t be, it’s your birthday!”

Nicolas quickly changed the subject but Whizzer still felt sorry.  


  
However, he did his birthday with his two friends. They had not planned another costume party or something of the sort, they had just planned a lovely evening for the three of them.  So it was only them, dishes cooked by Teddy who was more talented with cooking than he would admit, candles they had bought for his birthday cake, tipsy smiles; laughter and gifts.  A light mint-green shirt from Teddy and a potted plant from Rose who had to explain to Wizzer twice how to take care of it because he was stressed about not being able to do so.

They above all enjoyed Rose’s old record player she had carefully brought as they danced the night away.  
  


They slept the three of them together in Whizzer’s large bed and, on the Saturday morning, they woke up very late, all exhausted but still joyous.

His friends left during the afternoon, after kissing him on the cheeks and wishing him again a happy birthday and a so it seemed to be new year of life, and Whizzer, left alone, spent the rest of the day pleased and content. It had been a really cool birthday.  
  
  


The following morning, he woke up sooner and decided to clean and tidy his apartment once and for all.

As he was making a break around four in the afternoon, as washed out as his apartment, he suddenly heard somebody knock at the door.  
  


It was Nicolas, all smiles, holding several bags.

“Happy birthday!”, the man shouted out before leaning down and kissing him.

Whizzer smiled against his mouth. It was cute and unexpected - somebody should have opened him the front door.  
  


Then Whizzer made him enter the room and Nicolas took off his jacket before he turned to him, not quitting s miling, and held his bags out to him.

“It’s for me?” Whizzer foolishly asked.  
“Isn’t it your birthday?”  
“Yes, but-”  
“Just open them.”

Whizzer moved to sit down at the table as Nicolas put his bags on it, with a thud. He took out of the first bag a big packet, wrapped with a blue ribbon.  
  


Whizzer slowly untied it and opened the packet after inspecting it, questioningly.

“Is it what I think it is?”, Whizzer asked after looking for a time at what he had unpacked.

Nicolas smiled and leaned above his shoulder to say: “Yup, it’s a record player – the latest model”.  
  


Whizzer quickly turned round to look at him with a thrilled look.  How was it possible? He had been thinking about getting himself one, longing for it since his birthday because of Rose’s.

“Now, you can dance in your apartment whenever you want”, Nicolas added.

Whizzer stood up and looked at him with glassy eyes. Dancing elsewhere than at parties was something he had never noticed so far he truly regretted. And Nicolas was right: now he could do that at home. And that was fucking awesome.

Nicolas could not have made a better choice and gave him a better gift. And it was actually really cute of him to have thought of it.   


“I love you”, Whizzer said frankly to the man facing him.  
“I love you too”, the latter replied, smiling.  
“I love you more”, Whizzer mischievously answered.

Nicolas snorted.

“Well- _je t’aime.”  
_“Shit, how do I say that?”

Whizzer tried to repeat it but it just made Nicolas laugh.

“Shut it, we all know French is an unspeakable language”, Whizzer replied, pretending to be offended by his hilarity.  
"Don't make me start on how often you Americans use French words."  
“We do not!”  
“You do! There’s French everywhere, come on!”  
“Oh, you’d better shut up and French kiss me instead", Whizzer stopped him.

Nicolas laughed and held hihis face before he kissed him deeply. Whizzer smiled against his lips before Nicolas’s tongue soon asked for entrance, which he offered gladly.  
  


They made out for a time but they did not let the haste and the heat take the best of them.  They pulled away then went to sit down on the bed.  
  


Whizzer was about to hug him when Nicolas got up again, saying: “Wait, I’m so dumb – I forgot to give you the rest”.  
“The rest?”  
“A record player alone is quite useless, isn’t it?”, Nicolas answered, grinning.

He searched in his second bag and took three vinyls out of it.

“It’s the last step of my French propaganda. I bought you French classics: Brel, Piaf and one of Joe Dassin because I love him.”

Whizzer also got up and threw himself into Nicolas’s arms.  
  


“It’s sweet. I mean,despite the propaganda thing- it’s sweet”, he confessed after a time, still in the man’s arms.  
“I know, right?”, Nicolas said, with a conceited grin.  
“What did I say?”  
“Kiss you?”  
“Exactly.”

Nicolas gave him a tenderer smile and did as he was told again.  
  


When he pulled away, showing the vinyls on the table, he asked: “Shall we listen to one?”.

“Yes, please”, Whizzer said, nodding.  
“Which one do you want to listen to?”

Whizzer looked at the three discs and replied: “I already know Piaf, so maybe not this one right now”.

He put it away and studied the other two. On the sleeve of one of them, there was a close up of a man with a funny face and a distant smile while on the other there was a young brunette man in a white shirt, against a black background, smoking what seemed to be a cigar.

“That man is handsome”, Whizzer admitted.  
“Isn’t he?”  
“I didn't know French men could be handsome”, Whizzer added with a mischievous smile.  
“Jerk”, Nicolas muttered.

Whizzer laughed while Nicolas took Joe Dassin’s disc out of his hands and placed it in the record player.  
  


Whizzer went to sit down on the bed as he looked at Nicolas. As the music started, the man joined him and lied down, leaning back against the frame of the bed. Whizzer went to lean against him so he was sat against his chest, enjoying Nicolas’s presence and warmth behind him.

  
  
They listened to music in that position the rest of the afternoon, huddled together.

As a new song was beginning, Nicolas announced:  “That’s a song on America and the will to go there because of the dream it represents and the promise of freedom. I used to listen to it so often”.

“No offense, but I don’t know why so many people want to come to America. I mean- it’s not sooo great”, Whizzer answered.  
“You say that because you’re American.”  
“Probably, but I don’t get how the United States can make people dream more than France.”  
“Don’t you hate France?”  
“French, yeah- but France, no- never. I really wish I can go there once in my life, it seems so beautiful.”  
“Maybe you will one day”, Nicolas softly said before he  kissed his neck, making Whizzer giggle.  
  


After a while, the disc ended and Nicolas got up to change it. Whizzer followed him to see how he did it before they went back on the bed in the same position.  
  


As they had dived to enjoy the songs of the new vinyl into a comforting silence, only broken sometimes by Nicolas humming at the songs, Whizzer suddenly declared, grateful: “I love all of that, thank you so much”.

“You’re welcome, baby.”  
  


Then, as the currently playing song sounded very grandiose and aroused Whizzer’s interest with its tragic piano and its moving tone, making him wish he could understand the lyrics, he asked Nicolas  if he could translate them for him.

“I thought French was awful”, Nicolas said with irony.  
“It is, that’s why you should translate it to enhance the lyrics”, Whizzer replied at once.  
“You’re insulting Brel, right now, I shall not tolerate such an infamy”, Nicolas took falsely offense.  


Whizzer stared at him with pleadingly eyes and Nicolas eventually sighed.

“I’m betraying Brel for love, I think he would accept it.”  
“He should”, replied Whizzer with a grin.  
"Well, this is one of the most beautiful love songs ever written, so it's gonna be quite hard to translate but I guess it would be like-"

Nicolas waited for the right time to begin, but missed the start of the verse.

He finally began  to translate :  _“Je te parlerai_ _...  
_ I’ ll- I’ll talk to you...

_De ces amants là...  
_About those lovers...

_Qui ont vu deux fois...  
_ Who h ave seen twice...

_Leurs coeurs s’embraser.  
_Their hearts burst into flames.

_Je te raconterai...  
_ I ’ll tell you...

_L’histoire de ce roi...  
_The story of that king...

 _Mort de n’avoir pas pu...  
_Dead from- well- from not being able to...

 _Te rencontrer.  
_To meet you.”

Whizzer closed his eyes – as he expected, it was beautiful. The song in itself, but also the translation and even more Nicolas’s voice who was starting to sing when he quoted the French words, as he already knew the song well.

“ _Ne me quitte pas.  
_Don’t leave me.

_Ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas._ ”

Whizzer smiled dolefully - the song was strangely suitable and appropriate. Though, he decided he loved the song.  
  


“Ugh, that was the worst translation ever. Sorry”, Nicolas stated after a quiet during which they had both listened to the song without a word.

“No, no, it was great”, hurried to say Whizzer, turning around to look at him.  
  


“And you have a nice voice”, he added.  
“That’s sweet of you to say”, Nicolas softly replied.  
“It’s true.”

They smiled to each other lovingly and Whizzer re-positioned himself against Nicolas’s chest as the latter w rapped his comforting arms around him. He closed his eyes again.  
  


But he opened them at once when he heard, from behind him:  “I thought French turned you on”.

Whizzer complained: “Oh my god, hush!”.

Nicolas replied to him with a laugh.  
  


“You know you’ve just ruined the mood, right?”

Whizzer heard Nicolas laugh even more and discretely smiled.  
  
  


Later that day, the two men were falling asleep together, after they had cuddled and talked for a long while .

The silence had lasted for a time now and Whizzer decided to stop trying to stay awake, thinking that Nicolas had fallen asleep. But, suddenly, he heard the man very softly say, near his ear: “I don’t want to leave”.

He froze and did not answer. He could have but as he did not know if his presence was expected or wanted, he did not want to make Nicolas aware of it. And he would have not thought what to say, so he remained silent.

“I don’t want to leave”, Nicolas repeated, thoughtful, before he added: “I wanna stay here forever”.  
  


Whizzer felt t he man’s arms tighten around his chest. I t made him smile. He was about to turn around and tease the man about his little night confession, even if he loved it, but suddenly thought otherwise.

Were they not the words of a man who was scared more than a lover's ? Scared of coming back to France, to his old struggles, to his dad.

And to that, Whizzer  knew even less what to answer because he was scared too.  Selfishly?  
  


Whizzer had a lump in his throat thinking about it. Because of his retreat on himself, his little run-away, maybe away from Nicolas, those past days, he had only thought about his own comfort but had not considered the man’s state of mind. He had not thought that he had been leaving Nicolas a bit alone with his problems, with the forthcoming date, in his own deny.  
  


Tormented by Nicolas’s words swirling in his head while the latter had probably fallen asleep since, he thought back on the man’s voice singing Brel’s lyrics to him. In a way, he would have preferred the man to sing ‘ _Ne me quitte pas’_ next to his ear.  Because his own little words just sounded real, near, true .  
  


He knew at heart that he was actually overthinking Nicolas’s words. Yet, h did not get to sleep before several hours.  
  
  


When Whizzer woke up, he had an idea – the solution – in mind.

There was in fact a way to make Nicolas understand that he was welcome in his apartment while keeping his own freedom.  That was the heart of the problem – Whizzer did not want to drop his resolution so early, but he knew he had to take action anyway.

The whole thing was that his apartment was the best place where they could meet and that Whizzer was the only one who could make him enter. Thus, their relationship only depended on whether Whizzer was at his apartment or not.  
  


So it was simple – Whizzer should  just give him  they key of his apartment.

After all, they could share it.

And Nicolas had already a lot of clothes there, he had almost already moved in. It would not be such a revolution.

And, that way, they could both live their lives and do whatever they wanted to, individually or together.

And a key did not mean that Nicolas would be there all the time, Whizzer could still get Nicolas to understand that he would want to be alone such-and-such a day.

And he loved the man, anyhow.  
  


Yes, he was quite pleased of his solution, it seemed easy and perfect.

So, a week later, the time to have a copy made of the key, Whizzer, the hands hidden behind his back, went to stand in front of Nicolas who was reading his lessons on the couch.

He coughed so the man, focused on what he was doing, would look at him. It worked and Nicolas raised his head.

“Yes?”, he asked, with a searching look.  
“I have something for you”, Whizzer confessed in a small voice.  
“What did I miss? Is it my birthday again? My name day? Something?”, Nicolas asked again, pretending to suddenly panick.

Whizzer laughed and revealed what he was hiding. He handed it to Nicolas who kept a puzzled look.

“Yes?”, he repeated.  
“Silly, just take it, it’s for you – it’s the key for here”, Whizzer explained.

Nicolas stared at the key handed  out,  then he got up and took it.  He looked at it  again with a growing smile  and  placed it delicately on the table  before he hugged Whizzer, making the latter melt.  
  


“I guess we’re roommates now”, Nicolas said, laughingly.  
“I hope we’re more than that”, Whizzer pouted.  
“I think we are.”


End file.
